There's not a lot I can or should say about this, but I've been trying to figure out, over the past 24 hours or so, why the murder of Johanna Justin-Jinich has bothered me so much. I think it's obvious that the tragic death of any young person should be bothersome, but the fact that it happened at Wesleyan is definitely what makes it stick.  And so I find myself thinking about her family, as one typically would... but also the girl quoted as planning to live with her next year.  I imagine how excited they were about their senior house. Because I know how excited we were. 

I think my mom actually hit it when she said, "It is natural that you would be so bothered – Wesleyan was one of the most emotionally safe & happy times in your life. It’s very sad."  That's still not entirely it, I loved college but it was not a completely happy time- either personally or nationally.

Aside from the personal, Fall of our junior year was 9/11. I remember the feeling on campus so clearly, the generalized fear and lack of information that morning. We somehow could tell the world (and our world) would never be the same... but we were still safe at Wesleyan. The world might have been in flux and scary, the planes crashed about 100 miles away, classmates were worried about where family and friends were.  But there, we were completely safe.  I think what has made me so sad about this is that all of those kids and all the ones to come have lost the ability to feel that way.  When college turns into a blur punctuated by certain memories, like it already has for me, I am afraid their late-night discussions and meteor showers and food fights and silly crushes and prank calls and the excitement of the pre-Presidential Obama graduation speech will fade and the terror and loss of these days will dominate.  

I hope I'm wrong... but yes, I think that's why I'm so bothered.