Funniest Conversation I Have Been Party to in a Very Long Time...

So you may know that, like most white people, I think David Sedaris is very funny. And one of my favorite of his stories is the one about Dutch Christmas traditions. If you're not familiar, you should watch/listen to this before proceeding.
When I worked at summer camp, there was a lot of international staff and two dutch dudes there taught me how to say "where is the bathroom" and "do you want to fuck?" in dutch. So, generally, those were my go-to conversation topics with dutch people I met... but now I have this Christmas story. So last night I was hanging out with a dutch exchange student and decided to try it out. Keep in mind I am pretty sure Sedaris embellished the story a little, because it is too bizarre and hilarious. So I tell the dutchman that I read a story about Christmas in the Netherlands, and, well, I am not sure if this is true, but...

Me: So Santa, er, I mean, St. Nicholas... he used to be the bishop of Turkey?
Him: Yes.
Me: And he lives in Spain?
Him: Yes.
Me: And he comes in early December?
Him: Yes, he comes the 5th of December.
Me: Uh-huh, ok, and he brings six to eight black men with him?
Him: Well... he brings as many black men as he wants.

I really almost died. Especially funny because I don't believe everyone else there had heard this story before, so it just sounds like I am spinning bizarre garbage and then there is this twenty year old Dutch kid telling us that, no, in fact, Santa has access to unlimited black man helpers.

We then spent some time scheming on how to get him into the bar... something I haven't done in a long time and didn't think I would have to do again. Apparently leaving him outside and then telling the bouncer that there is a cold international student who is only 20 outside works.

WWJD?

A couple of blocks near the law school, along my way from the bus stop, are all churches and campus christian organizations. I've lately wondered about the student priced Friday fish fry... but that's about it. In this record-breaking snowy winter (we have literally had the most snow ever in history,) there was this middle aged man shoveling and shoveling the wide sidewalk running along all these buildings. And I was walking down the sidewalk, and the man continued to shovel and continued to take up the whole sidewalk. And I tried to get by him. And he still didn't move, but he also didn't even acknowledge that I was there and knocked my feet with his shovel while I scooted around the outside, risking life and limb on the ice ridge. So I started the day rather incensed that this shoveler, thinking about how this guys' boss would disapprove. All I'm saying is that if Jesus were digging the UW fellowship out, he would have moved to the side and made eye contact. I also would be much more likely to attend the fish fry. You know, if Jesus were there.

Special Delivery at Madison Trader Joe's

Why, hello there, friends.

Never Fear

I have returned from my 10 days of galavanting around the midwest. Before I left, I bought myself a new computer. Impulsive, yes. But between school and SHN and life, I pretty much live on this thing and I was getting sick of so much of that life being spent looking at the little rainbow spinner. And there was a sale, you know I love a sale. So now I have a black macbook. And it's so nice. I won't put it picture of it up, but here is a picture it took of me, eating a sandwich.



And drinking some patriotic tea at grandma's house.


At grandma's house I also tried to show a 92 year old woman how to use a cell phone-- frustration and hilarity ensued. But before that, hey-- remember when we went to Chicago and saw Wilco 4 times? Yeah, that was last weekend. Totally absurd, really. But also very fun. Maybe someday I will blog about it... no, probably not. So here is the mini-rundown: we volunteered with headcount the first night, and had awesome seats the other three nights. Wilco played every song off every album-- and more. I heard She's a Jar in concert, a personal goal (now that I've seen them TEN times?!?!) I was also amazed at how many folks seemed to bring stupid dates who had no idea what was going on and just waned to compare cell phones and yammer to these sold out shows that were impossible to get tickets for... BUT, they were a small annoyance. A+ Xmas/Anniversary/Valentine's gift, for sure.
In Chicago, I also found this delicious beer and mussels belgian restaurant that I was brought to after Pitchfork 2 years ago. And have been dreaming of every since. If we're ever in Chicago together, I will always be down for a beer and "mussels for two" at the Hopleaf. Yum. Yum.



And, finally, in this photo-essay of the past two weeks-- old bessie hit 180,000 on the way home this afternoon. And apparently I missed it.

There Oughta Be a Law...

My friend Sophy (Soap-ee) is very interested in entering the field of "false advertising" law. This is a kind law that if one didn't know already, soon upon entering law school, would see doesn't exist. It would, though, be a much easier explanation to laypeople of what I wanted to do than "get bad guys off." (What they hear, no matter what I say.) However, we greatly entertained ourselves on the trans-continental drive from New Orleans to Madison in January, pointing out all the "false advertising" and planning how to use the riches we would come by by suing the false advertisers.
This brings me to my other recent car trip where I pulled off the interstate, needing a gas station as a place to put some oil in my car and use the restroom. The sign with the little Citgo logo pointed left and I went left and went and went and went.... the gas station was in Wherever, WI approximately 3 miles off the expressway. Unacceptable and a prime example of false advertising. By my calculations, I should get a Prius out of this pain and suffering.

Lesson Learned

There is, apparently, a lesson we can take away from the NIU shootings in this election year.

First, the shooter can be anyone.

Second, look first to those interested in "peace and social justice."

Also, this is the real story. Someone should sue.

We are in Chicago, getting ready tonight to enjoy our second of four Wilco shows. Just, you know, in case you were looking for me.

New Pet Peeve

So I get and respond to a lot of emails from law students all over the place. Most of them are great and doing amazing work and great to work with... some aren't. But there is this thing that a lot of them do (and looking back at old letters from my job at the clinic, people have done there, too.) They start emails with "My name is Mary Todd Lincoln and I am a 2L at Abraham University..." See, the email tells me the name of the person it is from... AND, if I were still curious, or if it were a letter and the outside of the envelope weren't enough explanation, you have still signed it! And most of these folks have email signatures, anyway! I apologize is anyone reading does this, but I do feel it is better to save you from yourself than to spare your feelings.

It is exactly this kind of redundancy that is ruining America.

Question

When people decide to name their daughters Lindsey/Lindsay, how do they decide which one to use? A or E? Some of you might liken this to the Sarah/h issue, but I think it is fairly different as in a quick google, either spelling seems appropriate for either girls or boys (frankly, different from Sara/h since obviously the boy version of Sara/h is Saro/h. Also there is no indication that one is a more traditional spelling or anything, which there is for Sarah.

As you probably know, I am not really down with weird spellings... or nicknames. Like if Kristina had named her son Yojan... that would have been lame and we'd probably be getting divorced. So it's important for me to identify the "right" spelling of a name in order to feel uncomfortable with it spelled differently, ie. Sara. This is also why it's probably good none of my friends are celebrities.

Anyway, I was just thinking about that.

Good Eye, Chuck.

It's me!!!!

Mmm...

First one to serve me one of these, wins.

Pretty Funny.

Also. I want one.

Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea

I realize I seem to be relying on MTV news a lot lately... but the video here is interesting. And disappointing. I guess I haven't really been paying attention to what Chelsea has been doing with herself (ever since chatting with her now-ex at the beer garden in the east village.) But according to this video, she is a hedge fund manager. And according to American Ferrera, aka Ugly Betty aka Betty La Fea aka A Real Authority on American Politics, the way Chelsea turned out is why we should elect Hillary. So the fact that Chelsea was a child, full of hope, potential, the best educational opportunities, parents with a sense of public service and affluence-- and decided her life's calling was juggling rich peoples' money-- is a reason to elect Hillary? Her parents are Bill and Hillary Clinton, she was a Rhodes Scholar... and now she manages a hedge fund. If anything, I think the Clinton campaign should be downplaying that since obviously Hillary didn't instill her values in her daughter. Or maybe she did. Does it make more sense for the daughter of a corporate lawyer and Wal-Mart board member to manage a hedge fund? A little. I think the potential of her situation is what frustrates me. Man, if I were Chelsea Clinton, I could get so much shit done. And I'd, like, have a staff.

And meanwhile, back from the Peace Corps, Jenna Bush wrote a book about an AIDS orphan in Panama.

Does this seem f-ed up to anyone else? What do you think Malia and Sasha will be when they grow up?

A couple of tips for the state of Wisconsin.

If you want to be taken seriously, don't pull shit like this.

Also, change the basketball team's name from the NBA's stupidest, "Bucks."

Kabillion

You might have heard about, or currently be experiencing, the KABILLION inches of snow we got yesterday. UW canceled classes-- after first sending us an email about how the University closes every 16 years and examples of the ridiculous weather that has closed it in the past, eg.:

On Dec. 3, 1990, then-Chancellor Donna Shalala canceled classes in the morning as extremely heavy snow made streets and highways nearly impassable. More than 17 inches of snow fell over a 12- to 16-hour period.

But close it they did. School is back on today, but as I checked the mail this morning, I wondered about opting out of mail service in extreme weather. I feel really bad about some poor government-employee trekking through heck to bring me my Super Shopper and credit card offers.

A good idea.

The perfect Valentine's gift-- for him or her.

She gets access to full bottle of wine wherever, whenever.

He gets a ladyfriend with boobs two sizes bigger, filled with booze.

Win-win.

'Bama-er by the Minute.

In the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.

Oooooooobama.