2012

Last Saturday-Monday I was camping near the relics of an old fort and stage coach stopover in the Mojave National Preserve in California with Arizona friends, including temporarily, the mysterious Sophy the boy. The weekend before that got to have RadioKBLA and her trusty sidekick, Spiderman, at my house for a few days to celebrate Christ. Tomorrow I head to New York for meetings and, incidentally, more quality time with some of my dearest and not-so-very nearest. The end of 2011/beginning of 2012 is going great and I just have to reflect from time to time on how amazing my life is. Not like, regular trips to Bali amazing, but like also booked a ticket to South Africa at the end of December, amazing. No resolutions, just trying to do the best I can for the most people (including myself) as many days of 2012 as I can. Happy New Year.

Today is my 30th birthday! Crazy, right? Not so much because 30 is that old, but because it’s all starting to speed up just like they always say it will. Ten years ago was 20? How did that happen? This whole ride is likely (hopefully, knock on wood) a third over? Whoa. But kind of like turning 23 after the first year out of college, this birthday feels right. And I’m in a good place. I live in a house that I own with a terribly swell fellow. I have the two best dogs in the world. I have a job that I love in a career that I want. Over the last 30 years I’ve met and made many good people and good friends. I was even able to wrangle a decent showing at some birthday beers on Friday here in my newest life. Then Saturday I had more celebration and did shots of tequila with a 20 yr old. So, basically, a dream come true. Except Sunday morning, based on how many tequila shots were done. Oh, and weekend before last in Vegas I stayed up after 7am. So…being a rockstar is not as easy these days as it used to be… but I do, apparently, still have it in me.

So, on this culmination of 30 years of earth, I'm looking forward to the ones coming down the pike. I'm thankful for what I have and what I've done and who I know. I'm hopeful I can continue to work on myself, doing things better and being my best version of me. I'm excited that there is so much good ahead, as indicated by how much good there is behind.

FB

So if facebook status updates are annoying, maybe the only more annoying thing would be me complaining about them years after they were relevant. But here goes, sorry...

So there's the genre of "Sarah ate a turkey sandwich for lunch" that people love to complain about-- who cares about those details about your stupid life, etc. But the updates irking me lately are more in the category of "what the eff did you expect?"

"Sarah has a new baby and is really tired."

"Sarah lives in Death Valley and it is hot."

"Sarah likes weekends more than weekdays."

I am sure I've been guilty of this, as well but if you had a baby and thought you were going to get lots of sleep, or complained about not having a job until you got one and suddenly realized time off is nice... you're ill-prepared for life. If you expected all of these things but stil think these are interesting things to talk about... I beg to disagree. AND, if you are someone who "likes" or engages with these type of updates... please stop. I doubt this is the case, since readers who would do such a thing are more likely to read blogs of people who say "LOL" way more than I do, but it's a public service announcement.

Madness!

I kind of tend to get March Madness. Weird, right? A couple of related things:

1. We sing this all the time at home these days:



2. We're going to watch Wisconsin play in Tucson tomorrow.

3. As of right this very minute I'm #1 in my bracket pool thing, out of like 40 people.

Go Badgers!

Thanks

I had this client a couple of weeks ago and I had tried so hard to help her and to make things better. She had a mental health diagnosis that came about two years too late to keep her from getting into trouble. I really wanted to help her; maybe because she reminded me of my sister, maybe because mental health problems seem very ‘but for the grace of god’ to me, maybe because she has twin infants at home, maybe because she and her mom were trying so hard to make the best of her situation. Anyway, I tried really hard and we got a result that wasn’t perfect and will require her to do some substantial jail time… but was a lot better than what she was facing. And we made quite an impression on each other, she hugged me after she was sentenced and said thank you. And I knew she was going into jail the other day and so I checked for her on the jail list, just to make sure everything was going as planned. And then I got this card in the mail today.
I’ve been told and warned a lot that people will never appreciate me in my job. And to a large extent it’s true, it’s somewhat… thankless. I can’t make the impossible happen and so I get blamed from most sides, despite usually being the only one in the situation who had nothing to do with causing it at all. But it’s not completely thankless and really I’ve been thanked quite a bit. And it's nice every so often to be told people can tell you really care... when you're using a lot of energy really caring.

Someone from law school recently had a facebook status about hating being a lawyer… but I have to think, and feel a little bad for her that it's probably because she’ll never get a card like this.

Dirty 30

So I am turning 30 in a little under 6 months. I want to do something special, something 30-worthy, but I am kind of drawing a blank. I'll be with many of my friends shortly after the big 3-0 at Julah/Nolia's wedding in June. And having a party in Flagstaff, while surely better attended than it would have last year, I am still afraid would be more depressing than exciting and maybe make me rewind back to 29 in protest.

So, I need ideas. Special experiences or trips. One idea is to plan a fun warm weather trip for next fall/winter and do something smaller in May. One idea for that is a spa weekend, maybe in Sedona or Phoenix. But I want more ideas.

In general, while also feeling a general sense of disbelief, I am pretty psyched about my 30s. My 20s were, on balance, wearing rose-colored glasses and totally in retrospect-- pretty rad. It's a little like I felt when I was turning 23. I turned 22 the weekend we graduated from college. By the time a year had gone by, I felt like so much had happened and so many changes had occurred I deserved some external marker-- like being a different age.

When I turned twenty I was in Japan with my dad and his wife, I was toasted by the Japanese Communist Party leader and ate a lot of sushi. Then I lived in Boston over the summer and ate ice cream every day and walked miles to the library to check my email twice a week. Then there was September 11 and we lived in the In-town and I lived in Minnesota for a couple of months and then I went abroad and then I turned 21 in Buenos Aires. I also ate a lot of sushi then. Anyway, that was a long time ago. I am still friends with basically all my friends from then. It makes all these background checks easier. Smiley face. But I am pretty different, but also not. I am ready for a new decade to recognize it.

Now, back to the challenge, how to commemorate it?!?

Life is Weird

It is. I almost want to make an "it gets better" video for early and mid-twenty-somethings. Because I feel like it does and no one tells you and I'm there and it's so much better than it was. But I was just looking at pictures of someone's trip to New York on facebook. And whenever I do that, I get a little sad.
I get sad because I love New York. I do. And I think of the 2003-2006 period when I lived there and the friends and times and experiences that happened there and then. Now I love going there and being there and have a connection to it, maybe a little like I feel with New Orleans also, where it feels like the place/life I could have lived and therefore it will always be a little bit "home." But then there's the weird thing about adulthood... I feel like I've realized that while I love and respect New York... it's not the right place for me. I proved I could make it there, but then chose not to. And that's a "right for me" decision... the things I need from the life I want don't have to happen there. But they could. And that's the crazy thing. I don't think it's particularly interesting or admirable, but I've moved around a lot in the past ten years. East Coast to midwest to southwest. And here's the thing... there's a lot of places I could be and could be happy. Changing homes so often means both I carry my home with me, but also that lots of places are a little bit "home."
I remember talking to high school seniors applying to Wesleyan--both in Madison and here in Flagstaff, and I'd remind them that something like 96% of people love college (of course this was meant as encouragement if they didn't get into their top choices.) Yes, that's not everyone, but of those 96% people... do they love it because somehow they selected the right college for them? No. College is awesome. They loved it because it's awesome. Of course, if everyone went to Wesleyan, it would be 100%, but that would destroys the specialwes. Anyway. My point is the weirdness of life and how there are so many different paths and directions but how so many of them to lead good and great things. The other week, Erin remarked something like that it's so weird that I'm a public defender and I lived in Flagstaff, Arizona. And it is... but for a Minneapolis kid, is it really that much weirder than being an assistant in Manhattan? Not really. A different kind of weird.
And is life in general like college? Well, literally, no. Tragically it is too little like college. But metaphorically, can things be great if you land in variety of different places? Yeah, I think. Of course this does beg the question... if we can do awesome anywhere, why didn't we pick a place closer to people we love? It's the adventure. Or that's what we say. There this on Jezebel last week, about what a dad should teach a daughter... and I like it. Partly because most of things I did learn from my very excellent dad-of-a-daughter but one is probably missing-- landing on your feet. It's a skill. It not a skill learned like changing a tire, but that's part of it. Being self-sufficient and flexible is what I'd like my kids to be... and if it means they successfully build a life in a place none of us anticipated... I think I'd be proud. It's a good sign. Then again, it doesn't matter where it is, I'd be proud and I am proud of a successfully built life anywhere.

More Important: Many Good Things Also Happening

1. Long hikes. Last one was Thursday with another lawyer from my office that involved almost 3 hours of hiking and about 3 hours of drinking mimosas after. Perfect ratio, as far as I am concerned.

2. FREE regular-sized Aveda shit (shampoo/conditioner) for referring Charlie to my haircutting place. It was offered literally right after I was browsing all the product and telling myself something like, "Sarah, when you pay off your credit card, you can only use Aveda products." So, look for me to smell great all the time in, like, 10 years.

3. It's almost Thanksgiving! Which means a) delicious and b) another trip to Minnesota, which is usually always fun. Also reminds me of the kid in my math class senior year who was kind of slow and sometime in the first couple weeks of school in September said, "I can't wait for Thanksgiving, I'm so hungry!"

4. I'm getting sent to a class in Phoenix on Friday for work, which I believe is my first business trip and involves staying over Thursday night in a hotel. Look for me to make a lot of references to my business trip and to specify I am there for business, not pleasure.

5. I want a gas fireplace insert for Christmakkah. It would so improve our quality of life but is non-essential and costs multiple thousand of dollars. Santa, you're on notice. Any concern about becoming domesticated and old and lame is obviously now moot. I am including this in "good things happening" to demonstrate the power of positive thinking.

6. I came into work today to a thank you card from a client's family. I did good for him and getting thanked... is great. Good start to a new week.

Hair!

I have about 18 draft posts about my dissatisfaction with my job, various personal injustices, the "debate" over the 14th amendment and all other kinds of malarkey. But we both know you're here to talk about my hair. So I got real-er bangs today, going back to the hairstyle of ages 2-10 instead of the same basic one I've reverted to for ages 22-29. I'm not going to say I was trying to look like Zooey Deschanel... but unsolicited she was mentioned by my stylist as an inspiration. The stylist even suggested we google her... um, no, ahem, I know what her bangs look like... Aside from getting used to having hair all over my forehead, so far the biggest challenge I anticipate is getting ID'd even more frequently. Seriously, as if that were possible.

Relationships

New local lawyer acquaintance, trying to figure out why I moved here: "So, is one of you in some kind of relationship with Charlie?"
Me: Giggle. "Um, me, we're in 'some kind' of relationship."
Charlie: "Um, we prefer Joint Tenants with Right of Survivorship."

Either way, 'some kind' of relationship, all right.

Snowflake

On the way to BWI last week, I boarded my flight from PHX to Cincinnati. When I got to my seat, I was supposed to have the window but this older couple had sat themselves in the window and the aisle with a bag in between them. I have had terrible luck lately on airplanes and had my seat taken by other more frequently than it should. I don't really care, so long as I don't get stuck in the middle when I'm supposed to have an end. But even then I don't make a big deal about it, just silently brood most of the flight. Anyway, I got to the seat and gave them my best midwestern grin, "Hi, sorry, I'm here, too." They remarked they didn't mind sharing so long as they had such a jolly companion. As Erica asked upon the retelling of the story, how did they know you were jolly? A good question.
I sat on the aisle, they asked me questions. They were from Snowflake, AZ and as the conversation went on, I realized, they were Mormon. Now, I don't like to think of myself as someone immediately creeped out by someone because of their religion, but apparently I am (maybe helped by questions from strangers like, "so, are you GOING to get married?"). Overall, they were perfectly nice and kind of like a satisfaction of my earlier strong interest/obsession with Mormonism. They at one point asked if I knew anything about Mormonism... an honest answer would be I wrote a lengthy research paper in college on the sensationalistic anti-mormon polygamy literature of the 19th century, I am almost done with Under the Banner of Heaven and if I have met a fallen Mormon after a couple of drinks over the past 10 years, it usually ends with me poking them in the chest and getting way too excited. But I said, "yes, a little."
Snowflake, as you will now know if you clicked on that link is a Mormon town in Arizona named for Mr. Snow and Mr. Flake. The husband of this couple is a Flake. Through our conversation, I learned they were headed to Nauvoo to see their daughter and grandchildren in a religious pageant that I deduced was in honor of Pioneer Day. They were carrying with them a family tree with accountings of which ancestors had been saved. Holy crap, this was like super Mormons. It was basically like some really bizarre dream come true. And way more entertaining than my seatmate from BWI to Atlanta on the return who forced me to feign sleep most of the way after she said (in a completely and inappropriately loud voice) "PHOENIX! WELL THAT MUST BE A WHOLE DIFFERENT... EXPERIENCE." After a full-day of little sleep and hangover recovery, I had no idea what this meant and I didn't want to explore. So I said, "well, actually, I don't live in Phoenix, I have a two-hour drive ahead of me when I get there" and closed my eyes. Oh, modern air travel.

Compost and Shit

Here I will quote myself, to my mother on the phone last night, in honor of Earth Day:

Composting is like flossing your teeth; once you start doing it, you realize how gross it is not to do it.

I am so right. Once you see the crap you pull out of your teeth, it becomes horrifying no to do it. But back to compost, we've been doing it since right around the time we moved/Januaryish and have reduced our garbage output dramatically. It also really reduces the guilt of letting fruits and veggie go bad. Plus we have a plastic storage bin full of rotting food in the backyard-- win-win!

Jolly Roger

Have I mentioned our family crest? Whenever we see skull & crossbones out in the world (which happens more and more often, the world is getting creepier?) we say "he's in our family!" "she's in our family!" It's just a little thing we do...

Dog collars and keychain from here, dog tags from here.

Tranblemanntè v. Terremoto

I just have one quick thing to say about the recent Chilean earthquake. Well, probably more than one and probably not so quick. First, as I've been reminiscing a lot lately, I spent a really wonderful six months in Santiago. It wasn't wonderful because of the 70s architecture or the esmog (do I miss blowing my nose black every night? Um, not really...) but it was a time of little responsibility, where I came as close I ever have to "speaking" spanish and where I spent some great time with people who remain some of my favorite Americans. Perhaps not the cross-cultural exchange Wesleyan had in mind... but those people are still my good friends. So that counts.
But this has nothing to do with that. Someone retweeted something on Twitter on Monday about how Haiti v. Chile was a good example of "good government".... and it pissed me off. I didn't respond because, well, folks rarely retweet expecting a total diatribe in 140 character intervals. And also... I was busy. But anyway. Shockingly, like everything else in life, this is so much more complicated than that. I can speak to it because I was a Latin American Studies major and half a Latin American Studies master, right? Riiiight...
Chile and Haiti have nothing in common. From vastly distinct colonial histories to vastly distinct modern histories, these countries evolved in opposite directions. Haiti is dirt poor, we know this. We know rebuilding isn't really "re"-anything, it's creating systems and infrastructure for the first time. Chile is usually the most prosperous Latin American country with that 70s style modern architecture in Santiago and with total poverty in the campo. Not, like, Haitian poverty... but poverty. But Chile doesn't want to deal with it's poverty because that's not the Chilean image of itself. Much of Chile's economic success comes from the foundations laid by Pinochet and the neo-cons during his reign, which was also brutally repressive. The country remains divided between those who emerged from the Pinochet-era disgusted by what had happened to their country and a strong 1/3 of the population who believe that certain "excesses" were worth it because the economy did so well. And Chile continues to enjoy overall economic success because of the foundation laid during that period. "Good" government, Pinochet?
Resources alone do not dictate how a government will respond to disaster. Um, Katrina? But they do dictate how well a country can prepare through zoning, building codes and emergency channels. And how well a country can respond through emergency responders and so on. There are legitimate gripes with the way Preval handled things in Haiti. Michele Bachelet seems to have done a better job (because she could) but is also faulted with saying Chile could do it themselves.... resulting in fewer international donations. Text CHILE to 901901? I don't think so...
It's a natural comparison because they're the same kind of disaster happening to countries somewhere south of us. But it's irrelevant. It's like comparing the way France and Somalia respond to disaster. I suppose you could say France would fare better because of "good" government. But it's kind of silly and obviously incomplete. And really just feeds into blaming developing nations for their own underdevelopment without even considering that the developed world got that way at their expense. It's all terribly more complicated, I know. But please, the take home is... be careful what you re-tweet, because it could very well be setting off a firestorm in Flagstaff.

Opposites Attract?

May I present:

Charlie's Bar Flash Cards:



And.... mine:

Haitian Beef

All of these companies that are attaching themselves to Haiti relief are really starting to irritate me. No, Hyatt, I don’t want to donate my rewards points to Haiti. I want you to donate your profits to Haiti and I will donate my points to someplace with hotels for people in stay in! Chase, although it’s our money anyway (as my astute junior cultural anthropology-major hairdresser pointed out), make the donation yourself. “HELP HAITI NOW” on the Avon catalog looks opportunistic and silly to me. And I think lends to fatigue over the whole thing. Haiti doesn't need a signature color of liptick... it needs short and long-term just aid and recovery.

It’s similar to how my work sends around requests for donations of leave. I mean, I get that we’re in a budget crisis and all… but the right thing to do is have more liberal leave policies, not unpaid FMLA time, and let the rest of us keep our vacation days. Or when the airlines want you to donate your frequent flier miles to bring kids with cancer to the hospital or Disney World or whatever. Um, why don’t you use your airlines to do that and not take credit for a program that sounds charitable but really just saves the company money. Or gives them a good name and lets them break even.

Maybe I just want to keep my Hyatt rewards and frequent flier miles and am letting my cynicism get the better of me. Or maybe I'm just mad I don't have a signature shade of lipstick (wait until 200 years after I hold my successful slave rebellion and then am decimated by an earthquake made worse by my long-term underdevelopment caused by global colonial powers, then Scarlet Sarah will be all the rage)… but this is my beef for the day.

Only Children

When it comes to birth order, the greatest bias is against the "only child." First, please remember, that in birth order the category is actually "only/first." But I digress. I am an only child. Well, kind of. I am my father's only child. I was an only child until a week before my tenth birthday when my mom had my sister (and I was warned, even at that young age, to never call her anything but my sister, because we came from the same womb.) But again, digression. So I identify with the only child. I know, from half of my parents what it is like to be their only child and from the other what it is to be her only child for ten years. And we get a bad rap! Truth be told, I know some terrible only children. But these are only children of intact couples, coddled along through adulthood. There is another kind of only child, the kind who was treated like an adult from a young age. And was expected to operate in an adult world. This is my kind of only child. This isn't the Veruca Salt, "Mommy, I want it NOW!" child. This is the child who learned big words and big concepts early on. This kid had a lot of adult interaction and, yes, was never in the team of kids ganging up on the parents, but had to negotiate for herself. There is no better or worse in birth order... oldest of ten kids and younger of two, it is all about explanation. However, I feel a bit hot sometimes when only children are categorized and dismissed. Because some only children feel very deeply for others and some only children are only the least little like the stereoytpes. And those only children sometimes feel like they've been fighting all the same fights "we" are now fighting, but for decades. So, odds are you know some awesome only children who have been saving your spot in adulthood... we don't need a thank you, just some kinds words the next time the dreaded "only child" comes up....

[Editor's Note: And we're only the least little bit self-righteous, too....]

For the Record

Consider this. I am sure that the snowstorm in the midwest is a big deal. I'm sure it's slowing things down and ruining some xmas plans. I mean, I was virtually the last person to land at O'Hare last year before Christmas. I understand. HOWEVER, a couple of weeks ago, Flagstaff received 28 inches of snow in a day. Monday we got another 6. No big deal. You know why? Because the average snowfall in Minneapolis is 49.9 inches. In 1983–1984, Minneapolis set its own record with 98.4 inches. Flagstaff on average receives 100.3 inches of snow a year. Oh, and, "Although snow often covers the ground for weeks after major winter storms, Flagstaff's relatively low latitude and plentiful winter sunshine quickly melt much of what falls, and persistent deep snowpack is unusual. One notable exception occurred during the severe winter of 1915-1916, when successive Pacific storms buried the city under nearly seven feet (2 m) of snow, and some residents were snowbound in their homes for several days." According to Wikipedia. New York City is 28.4. Hartford is 49. Actually, you can devote some serious Christmas Eve work hours to websites like this.
My point is that the next time I relate that the power is out, work is canceled and we have two feet of snow... I hope you, dear readers, reconsider your preconceptions about Arizona and give it the respect it deserves. That situation is not, as the person who may or may not have birthed me said, "a lot for there." Nope, it's just a lot. And although the season has only just started, I am confident that my snowstorm can beat up your "snowmageddon."

Thanks-- and Merry Christmas, again.

Lately

I'll skip the b.s. since I never seem to make-up blog posts about things that have happened... since my last post Charlie's parents were here for a few days and then my mom was here for a week. A week (and then we've had another whole weekend since I started this post...) It was a good visit, I think good most importantly because there have been times, many times, in our relationship where a day-long visit would not have ended well. But this one was fine. My relationship with my mom is complicated and accounts for a lot of my "baggage" and is definitely not for public-blog consumption. BUT, perhaps through a combination of her changes and my own stability and recognition that while there are things I embrace very deeply about her (about both/all of my parents), I am not her and the things I don't like don't threaten me as deeply as they used to. Maybe it's growing up, maybe it's increasing exposure over the years to other parents, other people and the situations all kinds of people find themselves in. And maybe that all is growing up. It might sound elementary, but you can't pick your parents and you can't pick the terms of your birth. They're not perfect, they're just people.

Earlier this week an acquaintance-type facebook friend posted a rant about the SEPTA strike and how the drivers are greedy and a bunch of other drivel. It irked me incredibly. NO. I was raised, by my parents, to side with striking workers. People do not risk theirs jobs and strike unless it is important. I thought of last week, too, when I drove by people with signs in front of City Hall. My parents also taught me to, unless they're advocating something totally loony, honk and support them. They were for the public option. I honked. I thought of it while my mom was telling us the story of getting fired from her first lawyer job, while pregnant with me, on Christmas, after being elected president of her local. Thank you, parents. Thank you for giving me a head start on some of the lessons and values I hope I would have come to on my own eventually.

So yes, parents and family are flawed and disappointingly human. But I was happy to feel last week like I am increasingly able to appreciate the aspects that have made me who I am... and let the rest, as my mom would say, roll off my back.

Let's Play

Let's play a game I am going to call "find the flaw." Since moving to Arizona, we've been going to Sonic... a lot. I've only eaten there once, though- these trips have all been for drinks. Every day from 2-4 pm is "happy hour," therefore half-priced, and I so get a Route 44 size diet cherry limeade for $1.32. I enjoy it very much. So naturally I have been trying to figure out how it's bad for me and why I should stop. Now, at 26 calories for the whole she-bang, it can't be that. And at half-price, it's not a habit that will break the bank. It's not carbonated... so there goes bone-loss. I guess artificial sweeteners aren't good... but, really, can someone please tell me why I should stop? Have I found the last safe vice, might I float away, brain curdled by maraschino cherries?