Deja Vu

Not the downtown Minneapolis strip club. And not the new blockbuster. But the feeling.

I've been thinking about college a lot. And been bummed a lot. Which has emphasized another difference between Wesleyan and Wisconsin. While the law school is stiflingly small and everyone seems to know everyone else's business... on a rainy today like today, you can walk around campus totally anonymous. Maybe even more so than in New York, where there is always a risk you'll run into a WesAlum... I only know law students and you don't really see them outside of the law building or certain specific other places. By venturing toward the center of campus, I can virtually guarantee I won't see anyone I know. Which is at some level a nice feeling, although it doesn't sound like. Surrounded by this social hothouse, its nice to be unknown. On the other hand, the other feeling of deja-vu that has returned is that feeling of regrettably given up a whole life of people who prioritized me to some degree or another to one where my feelings and well-being don't seem to make anyone's list. No, this is extreme and harsh, but this whole thing is a very isolating experience in its own and based on my own poor choices, I keep getting dragged into bullshit that I end up spending a lot of time and energy getting out of.
Maybe I was just exceptionally lucky in my former life/lives, to have met and held onto such extraordinary people. When I was little, my friends used to hurt me so profoundly and crying to my mom, she'd tell me that I just had very high and mature expectations for my friends and I had to wait until my peers grew into them. In another retro-move, I seem to once again be waiting for my peers to mature into the kind of people I need around me. In the mean time... torts? outlines? two buck chuck? All of the above?

Much worse before its much better...

Thats what I realized when I got back to Madison at about 5pm this evening... the whole mood has shifted and people have settled in like the freaking apocalypse is coming. This is bad for me, in terms of interacting with other people, because if this continues, I'm basically not going to be able to. I can't deal with these kinds of conversations... here it comes, there's nothing we can do about it, except do the best we can... so let's not talk about and particularly, let's not exaggerate it.
But I think it's all particularly bitter, because not only was this the end of vacation (inherently boring) but it was the end of a particularly fun one. And little fun is on the horizon for a bit. But, dear readers, you know me and you know I really can't go very long with NO fun. So I think it'll be ok.

That's the word. Word.

Does anyone know if this is true?

After being trained as a medic in the army, your final test is for the army to SHOOT A GOAT and if you can keep it alive for 3 days... you're in.

Giving Thanks...

I'm thankful for all my friends and family, my good health (aside from the persistent cold...) yadda yadda yadda....

What I'm really thankful for is that I got all of my shit in on Wednesday, I feel just fine about it and I'd venture to say I've been under the influence for more minutes since then than I've been sober. Let's take it from square one...

Wednesday was an epic day of drinking and Wilco and giggling... which was fantastic. The Barrymore is a fantastic venue, our tickets were not fake, as we may have feared and Jeff Tweedy looked fantastic. The show was so fun. Then there was more drinking...

I left Madison after breakfast yesterday, arriving in Minneapolis about 3:30 for... Thanksgiving dinner. Although a little frazzled and very tired, the dinner was, also, fantastic. And then I left Thanksgiving and did some drinking with Kristina. Also fantastic.

Today involved hottub/steam room, my sister getting her nose swabbed for whooping cough**, Target, espresso vodka, bloody marys, wine, teen girl squad, more bloody marys, friends, gossip and laughing. Which all begs the question... so I haven't been to Minneapolis for Thanksgiving in years... WHY?!?

Now I am going to have some turkey and a biscuit and go to sleep. Because tomorrow real life starts again and I will be doing homework.

** Does this explain why I've had a cough forever? Is it the logical extension past strep and pink eye? Good lord...

Unemployment: Something Bad

This week has been really tough, but I'm right now about 20 minutes and one last look-over from having my immediate and slightly more distant future out of my hands. Which is nice, because every knows I'd rather be reactive than proactive (resolution again for 2007? Maybe.) And then I will take a nap. And then this evening I'll see Wilco here in Madison. And then tomorrow I'll go home and eat turkey. And sleep a lot on an air mattress.
I was leaving the house in a hurry this morning and trying to get my act together to submit all of these things at school. Basically, I needed a paperclip and spent about ten minutes looking for one. In my old life, I always had a paperclip, they were in my pockets like loose change. But now... no paperclips. Are paperclips things that people buy? They seem like they were made to be taken from work. But anyway, I spend all this time looking for them all the while knowing that there is a very good chance there is no paperclip in my whole apartment. So I'm looking in jewelery boxes, drawers, folders hoping I can lift one off something else... and eventually I found one.

After Thanksgiving I might start blogging about my search for wite-out, which I can promise will be just as thrilling as this little anecdote.

WTF, seriously...

Maybe its the universe telling me I should have stayed a preschool teacher... but I woke up this morning with pinkeye. Yes. Pinkeye. There's not a lot more to say about that, except I'll be going back to UHS tomorrow morning. Shiiiit.

In other news, I saw Babel last night. I liked it, although it wasn't great. I like Brad Pitt looking haggard, he does it well. Almost as well as George. Gael was a little disappointing, if only because his part wasn't very big. And if there's one thing you can count on is if Gael is in a movie, is there will be some good sex scenes. But not in this one. Unless you count a nude deaf-mute Japanese girl... which I do not. And could be the subject of a whole other post.

Friday I watched another Gael movie, Dot the I. Which did have some good sex scenes. And therefore, I recommend it.

Disservice to your health...

So, in the latest chapter of, "If it is this bad for me, imagine if I weren't upper-middle class, educated and white":

I went to health services on Wednesday because I'd had a sore throat for 4 days. She did a strep test, although she didn't think it was strep and then told me that something that really helps sore throats is... wait for it... Tea with honey.

Um, thanks. This is why I have health insurance? Not only am I sick and you can't help me, but you think I am a total moron? Insult to injury. Literally.

So I don't have strep, I still have a sore throat and thats that.

Law School Prom

a.k.a. Malpractice Bash... was last Friday. And it was pretty fun. Despite the sleet, couple inches of snow, the fact that my feet are still slightly numb and a shitty DJ. I think Jack Daniels might have a lot to do with it. Improvements over real prom were free beer and not exchanging an awkward kiss in the limo with a prom date formerly known as the founder of Wendy's. And no one split their knee open on the window sill after an ill-fated "wake n' bake." Oh, high school... ok, back to law school... this is from the before the dance, after the chinese food. And the jack. This is from one of my favorite series of photos ever, where we are impersonating a raptor surprised by larger-than-expected breasts... of course.

In even less exciting news, I am sick again. Which now just seems to be a cycle, with 100% healthy some kind of distant fantasy... Things are hot and heavy between everyone and their workload and Thanksgiving break can't come soon enough. If only because it means a chance to get a bunch of work done. I was severely annoyed with this new life yesterday when I figured out having a Thanksgiving for friends just wouldn't be possible with everyone's workload. It pisses me off when school/life interferes in what I want to do. But so it goes, I guess.

Blonde v. Brown, Big v. Small

So I've recently noticed another geographical difference. The boobs are much bigger here. Maybe the cheese?
Just as when I moved from Minnesota to Connecticut, my hair went from being considered brown to being considered blonde... at some point in college it was decided that I had big boobs. Or largeish, at least. Truthfully, I thought something had changed in me, maybe they'd actually gotten bigger? But no. I am back in the midwest and back to not having big boobs again. Oh well.

Worst Fears Realized?

So leading up to the election (since because now it won't come off...) I've had a bumper sticker on my car that says, "Death Penalty: Wrong For Wisconsin." And I've thought it probably looks a little funny, a Minnesota car going around saying what's right and wrong for Wisconsin... but yesterday I was stopped at light. And in the car behind me was what looked like a 13 yr old girl and her dad. In the rearview mirror, I could clearly see her pointing at the bumper sticker and saying, "But, look, it's from Minnesota." Doh. Called out, yet again, by a teen.

Freaks, Geeks & Undeclared

So Jason Segal, who played Lindsey's non-boyfriend on F & G and was also on Undeclared (and is now apparently on "how I met your mother" which ironically is the only one that hasn't been canceled... anyway... he is on Carson Daly right now and I am moderately sure we're made for each other. How would I go about letting him know?

Also, I am awake at 1am watching fucking Carson Daly for NO reason.

TJ II

My slow slip into alcoholism is not helped by the fact that with the new TJ's in town... a bottle of wine costs less than a latte.

The Day After

There's a lot to be happy about today. Not crying after an election is a welcomed change of pace, I hardly know what to do with myself. Unfortunately, the state of Wisconsin wasn't able to stay away from hate and death-mongering (So we banned Civil Unions and brought back the Death Penalty after 150 years....? Awesome.) The same assfaced Tim Pawlenty is still governor of Minnesota. But so much good happened. The House. The HOUSE. The Senate? The SENATE.
There's this. And this. And this. And I don't feel alienated from my country.

And then there's just my delight in this. Who divorces via text message? How far she's fallen since Crossroads.

Because I am American and because I am free.

I just got home from voting. I registered at the polling place by showing my electric bill and saying I am who I say I am. I voted against a civil unions ban, against reinstating the death penalty, for reducing the cost of healthcare and providing universal healthcare and for a bond for Madison schools. On my ballot, you could fill something in to just vote down the party line, but I didn't. So that I could vote green for State Treasurer and Coroner (apparently an elected position here?)

I love the midwest. There's something so tangible about the struggle here. There are these long-standing concepts of rightness that were born on the farm and have burrowed themselves into the minds of people-- on the farm, in the coffeeshop, in the grocery store...
I think the other source of my fuzzy feeling about Wisconsin is that I've allowed myself to feel cautiously optimistic. Not the kind of full-blown hopeful that will lead to me spending the night sobbing uncontrollably listening to NPR a la 2004... but like some good things could happen.
I also made two good points in school today, which may have also contributed to my sense of freedom. One involved how the legal system is the institutionalization of what we as a society have deemed right and wrong, one big exercise dictating the arc the moral universe. Ensuring that as MLKJ said, it does indeed bend towards justice.**

And you don't get a lot more free than that.


**Note: I did not, actually, quote Martin Luther King Jr. in Civil Procedure this morning. This is an adaptation. If you must know, I quoted Justice Souter and Jonathan Harr.

Weddinapolis

I was at my cousin's wedding this weekend in Indianapolis. Not to be confused with Minneapolis a la my freshman year roommate's dad. "So have you ever been to the Indy 500?" "Uh... no... have you?"
It was really, really fun. After so many sad extended family gatherings over the past 2 and half years or so, it was really great for everyone to be there for something like this. The rehearsal dinner was Friday night at the NCAA Hall of Stars, the wedding in Indy's oldest Catholic church and the reception at the old train station. Everything really beautiful. Also a huge wedding-- 8 bridesmaids and 8 groomsmen should give you an idea of the makeup of the 380-person wedding.
I realized a few things over this weekend...
* I am the most eligible cousin. The groom did his best to introduce me around, but I really should have specified that my search does actually extended beyond someone to "love and tolerate." I should have included "not conservative" and "doesn't live in Indiana."
* If you get married at 30, there will be A LOT of pregnant women there. Jesus.
* My extended family is so fun (booze is integral to this) and I wish there were more cousins to marry off sooner rather than later so we can do it again.
* I have no desire to live in Indy.
* Genetics are a very real thing.
* Everyone in my family is crazy, myself included. But hopefully not AS crazy.

On a completely different note, I am very, very, very much enjoying the new The Hold Steady album (thank you, Pete.) It's kind of like finding some lost early Bruce tracks... with a generous helping of Twin Cities geography and an update sound. Pretty much my dream.