2012

Last Saturday-Monday I was camping near the relics of an old fort and stage coach stopover in the Mojave National Preserve in California with Arizona friends, including temporarily, the mysterious Sophy the boy. The weekend before that got to have RadioKBLA and her trusty sidekick, Spiderman, at my house for a few days to celebrate Christ. Tomorrow I head to New York for meetings and, incidentally, more quality time with some of my dearest and not-so-very nearest. The end of 2011/beginning of 2012 is going great and I just have to reflect from time to time on how amazing my life is. Not like, regular trips to Bali amazing, but like also booked a ticket to South Africa at the end of December, amazing. No resolutions, just trying to do the best I can for the most people (including myself) as many days of 2012 as I can. Happy New Year.

Today is my 30th birthday! Crazy, right? Not so much because 30 is that old, but because it’s all starting to speed up just like they always say it will. Ten years ago was 20? How did that happen? This whole ride is likely (hopefully, knock on wood) a third over? Whoa. But kind of like turning 23 after the first year out of college, this birthday feels right. And I’m in a good place. I live in a house that I own with a terribly swell fellow. I have the two best dogs in the world. I have a job that I love in a career that I want. Over the last 30 years I’ve met and made many good people and good friends. I was even able to wrangle a decent showing at some birthday beers on Friday here in my newest life. Then Saturday I had more celebration and did shots of tequila with a 20 yr old. So, basically, a dream come true. Except Sunday morning, based on how many tequila shots were done. Oh, and weekend before last in Vegas I stayed up after 7am. So…being a rockstar is not as easy these days as it used to be… but I do, apparently, still have it in me.

So, on this culmination of 30 years of earth, I'm looking forward to the ones coming down the pike. I'm thankful for what I have and what I've done and who I know. I'm hopeful I can continue to work on myself, doing things better and being my best version of me. I'm excited that there is so much good ahead, as indicated by how much good there is behind.

Hey guys, remember... my last post? Well amazingly soon after that, I was offered a job. Excuse me, not, a job but a job doing exactly what I want to do. Like, I was in the interview and they asked what I wanted to do as my career and I stopped for a moment because I couldn't figure out how to say it without sounding like a total kissass. "This job, I want to do this." And I think it worked because it's totally true. I am so excited to start. Like... soooo excited. One reason I'm excited is because I feel like I don't really have to hide certain substantial aspects of my personality like I have for the past year. My dad referred to it as me "coming out." Except I'm still not gay. Just a lefty.
I feel incredibly fortunate. Because I am. Because I got this job by making myself completely qualified (oh yes, I worked very hard for 4 years now to do that) but also by hustling like hell and being really nice and reasonable to everyone for the past year. PS- once I heard all of the secretaries in the office liked me, I knew that was VERY good. Job seekers-- NEVER underestimate the administrative staff.
Anyway, the future starts on Monday, for a day. Then I go to New Orleans to hang out with friends and radical lawyers (there is much overlap between these categories to be sure) and then I start for real for real the following Monday. I have purchased things FOR MY OFFICE, like a lamp and ipod speakers. I got some new clothes, too. And I'll get a new day planner and pens before I really start, too. You know, back to school and all.
I'm kind of over the moon and have been for 2 weeks now. It's funny because a number of people have pointed out how additionally lucky it is that I hadn't gotten another job before this-- I wouldn't have been available or hustling like I was. Of course, this is impossible to really believe when you're in the thick of it, but they're right. Things worked out really well and really in the right way. The relief of working for/with people who a) guessed I was going to New Orleans for this convention and b) knew all about my dad's case (compared to perhaps where no one knows what a) is and about a month ago I was asked how my dad was doing in Rwanda...) is huge.
This is a lot of jumbled thoughts. Another jumbled thought is that I've been thinking about what to do with this blog. It's finding that comfortable middle where I am not just talking about the dogs, but am also not divulging private information and am also not compromising clients or my professional reputation by expressing opinions about more substantive things. Then again, I can no longer even find this blog when I google myself there are 6,670 hits. Wowza. So much for privacy.
Oh and one more time- YAY!

House! We're (most likely) Buying a House!

So after realizing how we could pay only slightly more each month and own a house... and hearing lots about the tax credit and subsequent extension of the tax credit, we started talking about buying a house. And in what seems like a very, very short amount of time, we have an accepted offer on a house about half a mile from where we live now- with a big fenced back yard, a fireplace and a wood-burning stove and lots and lots of room for visitors.

Barring anything weird with the upcoming inspection, we close December 18 (a month from yesterday!!!) and will be in our new house by Christmas. Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus, I bought you a house. I am so excited to paint walls orange and do whatever I want... well, within limits of what the fellow I've taken to calling my JWTROS (that's Joint Tenant with Right of Survivorship to those who either never took Property or have blocked it...) will allow. So far, so good because he's given the thumbs up to orange.

Come visit! In the mean time, here are some photos from the listing. More when we move in, obvio.

DING DONG

You how they've been telling us "it's starting"* for, like, 6 years but it hasn't really been? I know four couples who have gotten engaged in the past week. I am sincerely happy for all of them- well, three of them. The other one I'm more ambivalent about (you don't know them, I promise. And if you do, you're also ambivalent.) But anyway. Holy crap. At this rate the whole world should be married by 2012. Maybe I should rethink my absolute rejection of the possibility of being a divorce lawyer.

Just kidding, engaged friends. Well, I'm not, I could make a lot of money... But I'm talking about those other people, not you, don't worry.

In the meantime, special congrats to my bloggity friends Fletcher and Lauren. I'm just going to tell people that instead of Wesleyan Spring Fling 2002, you guys got together through my blog, ok?


*Wedding-fever, that is.

7 Good Things (Note: "Seven Pounds" was not one of them)

1. Well, you know, first is probably the JOB I WAS OFFERED TODAY. I start Monday. It's hard to express what a relief it is. If I chose to be cynical, I could describe it as the same job I had before law school but for much less money. But I choose not to be cynical. In reality, it's about the best situation I could be in (like, considering I didn't take the AZ bar, have no contacts in town, etc.). I am really stoked. I will have health insurance and a paycheck and county benefits and hopefully a full week before I remember that working isn't always that awesome.

2. We have a Sunday-only subscription to the NY Times starting this Sunday. This was the first week of Charlie staying out on the reservation, so number 2a is that he'll come home tomorrow night, we'll celebrate #1 with dinner out and the bottle of champagne Karen & Drew passed along for just such an occasion. Yes we moved inexpensive champagne to AZ. What? So 2b will almost certainly be how nice it will be to relax with the Sunday Styles with my boy and my dog in a couple of days, with the knowledge the next day will start my return to contributing member of society.

3. We were able to join in on the end of a summer CSA. Four more weeks of this one, which gave us tomatoes, turnips, beets, salad greens, potatoes, onion, carrots and cucumber last week. I picked up this week's share this afternoon, which was essentially the same but green beans and radishes instead of tomatoes and carrots. Yum!

4. My car insurance is over $200 cheaper per year in Flagstaff over Madison. Like, I have the exact same policy with the exact same insurer. So that's an unexpected perk of the move.

5. This week marks the tenth anniversary of going to college. Monday night we were able to toast it, Erica and I discussed it on the phone last night. It's a good thing. Incidentally, my sister went to college on Monday, too. We can sing Circle of Life together later if you want.

6. I found the natural foods store in town. I had gotten kind of worried/weirded our that I couldn't find a co-op or Whole Foods-type place. Well, Flag has a New Frontiers. Whatever, I don't need to do all my shopping at places like that (nor can I afford it, even with the new dual incomes...) but I was feeling panicky without a place to buy bulk spices-type things. I had some eel rolls with brown rice from there for lunch today. Stamp of approval!

7. Since today was Dog Day... well actually not because of that at all, but because I had to time and the promise of future earnings, I got Aberdeen a fancy new brush, brushed him and washed him in pomegranate fru-la-la dog shampoo that is supposed to reduce shedding. He hated the whole thing. Lucky for him in between the brushing and the washing we went on a walk on one of the nearby trails, where he can be off-leash and explore all the southwestern creepy crawlys he wants. Since his actual Dog Day was more bad than good, I thought I'd honor my constant companion by sharing his funniness. I had kind of gotten used to it and don't think it's so weird anymore, until the Monday visitors saw it and thought it was very funny.

Ok, so this is like what he does. Like immediately after I make the bed.



"Hey, Aberdeen... Aberdeen... You want to go outside?"



.....



He's magical.

So that's all the good things I can think of, there's a lot. Oh, perhaps the most critical of all, everything on clearance at Old Navy is another 50% off. So you can go, and like me, get 3 work-appropriate top-sweater things for $20. And then, like me, you'll be very thrifty as well as very lucky.

Not Needed

Family doesn't seem to understand that "wow, you're in a tough situation" and "don't you feel lonely going to Flagstaff like this" are not good things to talk about. Oh, and how I will get murdered by someone showing me an apartment from Craigslist. I didn't know how easy it would be make me cry by rehashing the imperfect details of my situation. But now we all know it's a good way to get me to forgo homemade blueberry ice cream and head to bed at 9:45 after saying, "I don't know how to change any of these things before my 7am flight tomorrow. There are a lot of un-ideal things about my life right now."

UPDATE: They did give me bison burgers and the idea to use all my excess mint to make iced tea... so it's not all bad. Just, like, I liked the other parental side's strategy of taking us out for dinner to celebrate my first case and telling me things are hard but I have options better. Stupid equally-flawed-in-different-ways parents. Sometimes I wish I spawned from robots. Although robots wouldn't eat bison or mint tea, I guess.

FML

I've mentioned this fellowship job in New Orleans to many of you, many have said "that's perfect for you!" And, well, I learned earlier tonight via the facebook status update of the girl who apparently got it... that I didn't. I know her, we worked together last summer. Oh, technology! Naturally, my first reaction was to deactivate my facebook account. I'm a such a good woman scorned.
To be honest, I feel completely fucking worthless. I've been feeling worse and worse as the summer has gone on, with the sinking feeling punctuated by the fun of leisure and the occasional mini-break (like my first public defender client, who I met today, and the excitement of calling someone and saying, "Hi, I'm your lawyer" should be the subject of this blog post). It felt so good to get that appointment and the little encouragement of being paid to do what I want to do, albeit on a limited scale.
Side Note: Earlier this evening, we went to "Away We Go" and debated ahead of time whether watching a movie about 20/30 somethings trying to find their place in the world was the best or worst idea we could have. Turns out the movie is fabulous, very in line with Dave Eggers writing, it's thoroughly hilarious and enjoyable. It's one of my top movies now, I can't recommend it highly enough.
But back to bemoaning my situation. I feel truly terrible. Like the world lied to me, it told me I had to do A, B and C to get what I wanted, I did those and whoops! the rules have changed. I feel, honestly, like I finally applied myself and worked at full steam toward something (which of course I didn't do for personal payoff... but...) and it doesn't matter at all. All of the reasons I didn't work at full capacity all along, basically a fear of failure, have come true. This sounds dramatic, but I feel a little dramatic. And a little scorned. Like I did my best and have been told over and over it's not good enough. I have not gotten a lot of jobs, more than I can count.
I think one thing I've realized is that while having no obligations and a summer completely free sounds ideal; for those of us with aspirations beyond being the messy common-law housewife I am currently, it feels pretty shitty. And it's time to call a spade a spade and realize I'm unhappy and even depressed. This isn't a forever condition and I do think I'll look back at pictures of my sweet tan and think of all the free time... and think of it with humor and wistfulness. But then maybe I will read this blog post and remember how shitty it really feels to be applying for jobs I'm not even qualified for, because I'm overqualified, outside of my field ("law") and not even getting interviews in a place you've never been before. Is it shittier than not getting interviewed/hired in the place you've lived for 3 years or the place you've made a surrogate home for 3 years? Hard to say... probably the wallowing will be over tomorrow, but no promises.

I'm only going to say this once...

Because generally I think the only thing more pretentious than using "J.D." is using "Esq." But, like Bill S. Preston before me, this morning I was sworn in to the Wisconsin State Bar. I'm an ESQ., you guys!!!!!!! Awesome and weirdo. So, if any of my multitude of readers get in legal trouble in Wisconsin... I'll make you a great deal.

Unrelatedly, we saw The Hangover tonight and it was super-funny. Two thumbs up! (four if you count Charlie's...)

Also, In Addition

The end of the semester has taken hold, so I can discuss details more later (like, when I know them...) but it looks like we're moving to Arizona. Well, Charlie definitely is and barring anything totally strange happening, I will be, too. We'll be based in Flagstaff. I've never been there, truthfully, I've heard conflicting things. Some say it's nice. Another said,

"That's interesting, moving to Flagstaff, helping the tribe. He must be a good man to do that. She must really love him to move to Flag."

Both are true and each informs the other, I think. I am still trying to work out my own employment situation and exactly when this will all happen. But for now, please remember Flagstaff is 2 hours from the Phoenix airport (6.5 driving from LA? 4 from Las Vegas?) and visitors will be very welcome.

Back Home, Mostly for Good

Upon return from awesome Nashville, I'm a little too generally exhausted to post about it in the way it deserves.  It was a really wonderful weekend (after my unplanned overnight in Detroit on Thursday...) with the highest concentration of my favorite people since... well... reunion in May. Or maybe Anna's wedding, but missing Alison, in August. Thinking about it, I'm extremely lucky to have these people all over the country and to have seen them all multiple times in the past year. 

Aside from the dream company, I really liked Nashville itself. It was very cool and parts were very beautiful and southern, but also seemed really down to earth. Friday night we headed to the "honky tonks" and it just really felt like this is what people in Nashville have been doing for... ever. Not all self-aware and like Nashville knows its awesome like some places I've been (actually the some-time homes of many blog-readers- NYC, Austin, San Francisco and Madison come to mind...)

While in Nashville, I was rejected by the last job I was kind of holding out hope for- in Colorado. So I've been feeling particularly afloat over the past couple of days, it's been harder even to get back into it when there is this low-level panic about what will happen after graduation. It seems like I won't take a bar (since I'll be barred in WI no matter what...) so what the heck will I do until the Madison is over in August? Or... gasp... after that?

One bright spot is that tonight I bit the bullet and looked up my total student loan amount. This may seem like an odd thing to be pleased about, and maybe odder to blog about, but the total comes in at just under $100,000. I thought it would be more. And I am weirdly proud of myself for getting three years of law school for under $70,000.  Thanks to Karen, I was also able to calculate that if I make $40k, my income-based payments will be about $300/month. Which is less than I was paying on just my undergrad loans before law school... so in some sense, we could think of law school as free, right? At least that's the kind of logic that got me the iphone...

Wow.

It's still a good idea, even in St. Paul. It just amazes me we're on par with NY, New Orleans, etc.

No analog in Mpls public schools, so far.

A Couple of Things Since the Election

1. Saturday I took the Multistate Professional Responsibility Exam. It sucked. Here's hoping I passed so that I don't have to do anything that sucky until the Bar. I think I am plenty ethical. Plus, you pass in any state if you're like 2/3 ethical, I can totally do that.

2. I applied for an application with www.change.gov. It's like fate or kismet... I need a job. And my country needs me. And I love Barack Obama. Here's hoping I am ethical enough to work for him.

3. My newest hobby is surfing youtube for things to make me cry.
Recently:



Less Recently, but have watched it no less than 12 times and gotten misty each time. Also sing it in the car:


And then of course:


Lauren likes to get all mushy, too. She has a lot of these over there, as well.

For You Law Nerds Out There

In an interview with the public defender of a state that shall remain nameless, but is sometimes thought of (by me) as Vermont's evil twin (although less so now that they're apparently going blue):

Interviewer: What's your favorite Supreme Court case?

Me: Um... Is the right answer Gideon? Because that's the case that means we have jobs?

Interviewer: YES! Yes, Gideon is the answer-- and I've been waiting three days for someone to say it!

Other highlights include making up potential responses to the rumored Philly question, "do black people make you uncomfortable?" So far, we have:

a) Do white people make you uncomfortable?

b) No, no, I've spent a lot of time in prison.

Or, my contribution:

c) Um, everyone makes me uncomfortable.