It is so Hard to be Me

... nope, not really at all at the moment. I am feeling great. It's Friday afternoon, the weather is great, the semester is so far, so good, I just read this article about optimism and have spent the past hour kicking some serious ass via email. This SHN stuff is fantastic, and I'm so glad I found it. The coordinating side is actually the stuff I love to hate and it lends a sense of accomplishment to days that otherwise wouldn't have them... there is little sense of accomplishment in finishing the Property reading, for example. There is, though, a good feeling attached with this semester's 13 credit as opposed to last's 17. It's, like, possible to do all of the reading... and even think about it. And school doesn't start at 7:45 in the morning. This morning, for example, I didn't have class until 11. And I think the general good feeling started when I woke up at 7:15 after having gone out last night, and realized I could sleep for two more hours and still have a leisurely morning. I'm not trying to brag here... more just express I realize the awesomeness of the situation. I might now extend the awesomeness to watching some of the 24 season premiere on the internet. Awesome. And for those who love 24 and I haven't already shared this with, also awesome.

The Hunter Becomes the Hunted

I raised my hand to answer TWO questions in Property today. And my new neighbor has complained that I am too loud. Yes, friends, barely 24 days in and 2007 promises to be a banner year.

Thanksgiving 2007

In all its glory. I know it's annoying that the first and last are sideways... but I can't seem to fix it. There's a resolution for 2008.

Another day, another couple hundred dollars at 8% interest...

Day 1 of Second Semester... done. It really was only one class from 11-12, now I am home watching the West Wing. Aside from the impending feeling of dread and mental impotence... sometimes being in school is o-k.

Anyway, I have been thinking recently about cycles of things. Obviously, the seasons and things like that, but as I've been alive for longer, I have started to see larger cycles. Most in interpersonal interaction. If I had the time and the will, I would start writing them out, trying to find a pattern. Now that I reread that idea, it seems maybe I should have said, "If I go Rainman, I will start writing them out, trying to find a pattern." But it oftens seems like good and bad things, in my life and others, come in waves. It may be a little like reading tea leaves, but it seems that at this time of year, there are always big changes-- or there was that period from February to April or last year when it seemed everyone was breaking up. Or a couple of years ago when everyone's grandparent died. I wonder if there are studies/a religion based on this type of thing, I would be interested in more information.

In related news, we're in "oooh, hi, how was your break?"-time and since that is probably my 4th least favorite type of interaction (this isn't anyone else's fault, it's custom and I do it, too...), I am kind of wondering how bad it would be if I didn't go to school for the first two weeks.

Good idea/bad idea?

Trust Me, I'm 1/6 of a Lawyer

I used to, when I kept a journal instead of self-indulgently blathering on the internet, sometimes get so far behind I would just make a list of what I wanted to some day write about. Here's what I have so far, a kind of trailer for the next week or two of the blog... plus, MUCH MUCH more!

*My first experience blacking out while drinking. Nothing bad happened, but it scared the shit out of me and deeply embarrassed me, not the least of reasons being that I am pushing 26 and one sixth of a lawyer, I should be smarter.

*An immensely successful Thanksgiving feast yesterday. Seriously, if anyone in Madison or within driving distance is hungry, I have a tremendous amount of food. And turkey soup simmering on the stove... cause thats how my mama raised me.

* the beginning of second semester.

* maybe some more abstract and philosophical things... and New Orleans, can't forget New Orleans.

Also, maybe movie reviews of Dream Girls and The Last Kiss.

Thanks for your continued patience.

Aftermath II

Ok... this one should work. And it's the final version...

Aftermath

So I am finally back in Madison. It's nice. This break was awesome, but not at all restful. So a week before classes start, I need a real break. Below is a rough version of the movie I made of our New Orleans trip. The trip was incredible and invigorating. I feel like I am being cheesy when I say it, but it is the truth- it was a life-changing experience. The rest of the country has no idea of the situation, I had no idea. It is like another country down there... and like the 60s. It is so profoundly fucked up and in such in unbelievably bad state, it is hugely depressing, but also amazingly gratifying because you can just jump in and have a very tangible effect on the world and peoples' lives... and that is an addictive feeling. I am/will be trying to generate some writing that is a little more profound, but for the time being, chew on this:

Mini

I'm not dead. Or even disfigured. But 5 days into 8 in New Orleans... there is a lot to say and it wouldn't be right to give it some half-assed short summary. So. You, my legions of fans will have to wait. I just wanted to give you the thrill of a mini-update. Small update. Small thrill.

This is not my beautiful house...

I haven't been sleeping well since I got here. Really the problem has only been falling asleep, but its put me out of whack with the normal day-cycle. Its also given me a lot of time to think and last night I believe I was kind of able to put my finger on what makes this trip back to New York bitter and sweet... its a different kind of nostalgia. When we miss college or miss study abroad or miss a place, its usually with a little bit of the understanding that the experience there was all wrapped up in a specific time and place. Even if I miss college, I can't go back-- because I don't know anyone there anymore and I am too old. Or I know that when I feel nostalgic for Chile (see below...) its really for the times and peoples involved in the memory. Anyway, New York isn't like that. I had a complete life here and its a very strange feeling to spend a week seeing how I could also just slip back into it. And how there are still all these elements here that just aren't present in my new life. Over this week, from dinners and beers with friends to walks to lunches with the work friends, its just strange to see the overview and realize how complete that life was. The old life had a great apartment, decent-if-not-thrilling job, amazing friends and a very functional relationship with someone I loved (not necessarily in that order.) I feel like I should again reiterate-- I like my new life. I am not unhappy. I have befriended great people. BUT, like everything in the midwest, it's just all a little newer, less developed and a little less charming.


And its also not to say that there haven't been a lot of changes here. I am typing from Allison's studio in Chelsea, for example... still trying to get over the fact that she doesn't live in Brooklyn anymore. And a lot of other people aren't here anymore. And the ones that are have made changes, too.


I think its surprised me, this reaction, because I was expecting a "you can't go home again" reality and what I've gotten feels more like... "well, you kind of can."

Happy New Year

It's kind of hard to know where to begin. This past week has flown by, but has been so, so good in so many ways. I was thinking I should put pictures up, but then there are so many good ones of those.... again, it's hard to know where to begin.
I don't think I am doing resolutions this year. Partially because I am lazy, but more because this week has been so wonderfully time-warped I don't really feel in my head in my actual life. I've been on the verge of very emotional for a lot of it, but trying to just appreciate things for what they are and enjoy everything in the moment. And maybe also the idea that self-improvement isn't a once-a-year thing and theres no reason to think resolutions can't be made in March. Or July. Or maybe the resolution should kind of be the same as always-- not to make the same mistakes twice. Make new mistakes. Sorry, this is all really vague. So 2007 started with about 45 minutes of crying on a roof in Tribeca to Erica... but also included a very fun party at the apartment, seeing not only the core of friends, but lots of others who were such a treat. The first 5 hours of 2007 also included arm wrestling, pizza, and hailing a limo and riding it back to Brooklyn enjoying a Coors Light on the way. Because, if you're in a limo and someone offers you a Coors Light, you have to drink it. Maybe that will be my resolution for now... never turn down a Coors Light in a limo. Check and check. Also, start lifting weights. I don't want to lose so much in arm-wrestling in 2008.




Oh. And posture. I would like to improve my posture this year.