Have You Met Gus?

He's wonderful. A 7 month-old golden retriever with some pit in him, maybe boxer, too? We saw him a few times at the humane society and lucky for us, he was still there once we were ready to bring him home. The first night in our new house, in a freezing cold bedroom with a puppy jumping off the walls... I will admit I had a little buyer's remorse... for a moment for both the dog and the house. But that passed. Gus has really settled down and just seems so happy to be in a home. It's really sweet. We're still working on keeping him off the bed and hopefully eventually he'll stop following me room-to-room like, well, a puppy. But he's been a great addition to the family.

Only Children

When it comes to birth order, the greatest bias is against the "only child." First, please remember, that in birth order the category is actually "only/first." But I digress. I am an only child. Well, kind of. I am my father's only child. I was an only child until a week before my tenth birthday when my mom had my sister (and I was warned, even at that young age, to never call her anything but my sister, because we came from the same womb.) But again, digression. So I identify with the only child. I know, from half of my parents what it is like to be their only child and from the other what it is to be her only child for ten years. And we get a bad rap! Truth be told, I know some terrible only children. But these are only children of intact couples, coddled along through adulthood. There is another kind of only child, the kind who was treated like an adult from a young age. And was expected to operate in an adult world. This is my kind of only child. This isn't the Veruca Salt, "Mommy, I want it NOW!" child. This is the child who learned big words and big concepts early on. This kid had a lot of adult interaction and, yes, was never in the team of kids ganging up on the parents, but had to negotiate for herself. There is no better or worse in birth order... oldest of ten kids and younger of two, it is all about explanation. However, I feel a bit hot sometimes when only children are categorized and dismissed. Because some only children feel very deeply for others and some only children are only the least little like the stereoytpes. And those only children sometimes feel like they've been fighting all the same fights "we" are now fighting, but for decades. So, odds are you know some awesome only children who have been saving your spot in adulthood... we don't need a thank you, just some kinds words the next time the dreaded "only child" comes up....

[Editor's Note: And we're only the least little bit self-righteous, too....]

Shut. Up.

I am going to try to make this one of very few blog posts about bar study. Because it's boring enough for me to do it, no reason to bore my readership as well. But here goes. I'm 4 weeks in. It sucks. I wonder whether I've learned/been reminded of/will retain anything. It's boring as shit, completely overwhelming and I feel like I don't have the time to do it right. Which brings me to my point. Everyone who spent last summer updating facebook statuses bemoaning BarBri... please shut up. I am aware that my situation is nowhere near as tough as it could be. I only have one job I have to be at 45 hours a week. I have no young children. I have (or will again soon) the internet at home. I have a supportive joint tenant with right of survivorship who will do the packing, moving and unpacking so I can study. I would even count it in my favor for only this discrete purpose that said JTWROS isn't home during the week, so I can devote weekday evenings to studying without being tempted to, say, talk to someone. HOWEVER. Having all day every day to study would make things a lot easier. A lot. It would definitely still suck, still be boring and still be overwhelming... but I'd have an extra 9 hours a day to tackle it. And so, with all due respect, I'd like to tell those past people with their June and July belly-aching, to please, please. PLEASE. Just shut up.

And to those who have done this without too much bitching, with jobs, with children, with other pressing life-obligations... my hat is off to you. Because this sucks.

For the Record

Consider this. I am sure that the snowstorm in the midwest is a big deal. I'm sure it's slowing things down and ruining some xmas plans. I mean, I was virtually the last person to land at O'Hare last year before Christmas. I understand. HOWEVER, a couple of weeks ago, Flagstaff received 28 inches of snow in a day. Monday we got another 6. No big deal. You know why? Because the average snowfall in Minneapolis is 49.9 inches. In 1983–1984, Minneapolis set its own record with 98.4 inches. Flagstaff on average receives 100.3 inches of snow a year. Oh, and, "Although snow often covers the ground for weeks after major winter storms, Flagstaff's relatively low latitude and plentiful winter sunshine quickly melt much of what falls, and persistent deep snowpack is unusual. One notable exception occurred during the severe winter of 1915-1916, when successive Pacific storms buried the city under nearly seven feet (2 m) of snow, and some residents were snowbound in their homes for several days." According to Wikipedia. New York City is 28.4. Hartford is 49. Actually, you can devote some serious Christmas Eve work hours to websites like this.
My point is that the next time I relate that the power is out, work is canceled and we have two feet of snow... I hope you, dear readers, reconsider your preconceptions about Arizona and give it the respect it deserves. That situation is not, as the person who may or may not have birthed me said, "a lot for there." Nope, it's just a lot. And although the season has only just started, I am confident that my snowstorm can beat up your "snowmageddon."

Thanks-- and Merry Christmas, again.

Grandma Jane, Revisited

I am thinking a lot about my grandma this season, since this is the first Christmas we've celebrated without her... ever. Probably because of all the Swedish and traditional stuff, but I have especially strong associations with her and Christmas. Making Pepperkaker, the smorgasbord on Christmas eve, even the long-standing family love-hate with lutefisk. She had a sign in her house that said, "All hearts go home for Christmas, for love is always there." So maybe the association comes from her strong feelings about the holiday. She loved having everyone there, playing games, retelling stories-- classics now include the year my uncle misheard the swedish deli guy and boiled the lutefish for 45 instead of "4 to 5" minutes. Very typical family Christmas stuff, but if you haven't had to adjust your traditions yet... enjoy them while they last.
Finally, as I mentioned before, my grandma loved music and dancing. So I leave you, on this Christmas Eve, with a song everyone in the family loves singing at this time of the year. Merry Christmas!

House!

We closed yesterday-- finally! And so we have a house. In preparation, we've been watching lots and lots of HGTV. Um, that channel is deceptive. This was all way more agonizing and complicated than they make it look. Apparently you can't believe everything you see on television. But now it's over! Our realtor and I hugged twice when he dropped off the key...
Last night we had a snowstorm. We took Aberdeen, subway sandwiches and the bottle of wine from the realtor over to the house (the moving is happening actually right now, while I type.) We got giddy, we made plans. We tried to make rules about the number of functional repairs we'll do per cosmetic change. "But... um, painting doesn't count as cosmetic, right??" Charlie teased me for postulating that MAYBE under the carpeting in the other rooms on the first floor, there would be beautiful, pristine hardwood floors like there are in the kitchen and living room. He suggested it's also possible there is gold under the carpeting. We laughed at the weird parts of the house (why does the carpeting in the bedroom make crinkling noises??) and realized we like the kitchen cabinets more than we thought. We experienced a bit of the reality of single-pane windows and no heat source in the master bedroom. We talked islands and banisters and dog gates and patios to barbeque on.
And, at about 9, we went back to our rented house. And made a fire. And watched more HGTV.

Connections

The bar studying started a couple of weeks ago and one of the first topics I covered was Evidence. So Evidence is about what kind of evidence can be used in criminal and civil cases... there are a set of Federal Rules of Evidence which are used in federal court and are kind of the model for most states, then each state has their own rules of evidence which either track or depart from the federal rules. Evidence is full of exceptions and rules and exceptions to the rules. I never felt like I "got" it in law school (um, don't tell anyone that, since I'm like trying to be a trial attorney and all...) and didn't feel like the first pass of bar review changed that.
It reminds me a lot of learning Spanish. I started Spanish class in 3rd grade and continued studying Spanish really through college. And, pathetically, never felt like I "got" it either. Until I studied abroad in Chile. Then, by combining the rules I'd been taught over and over but struggled to apply correctly, with learning language in blocks... I started to "get" it. Instead of debating in my head whether something was preterite or subjunctive, I could take a block of language I knew to be correct and change the verb conjugation from "we" to "he." And so on.
I am thinking Evidence has to be like this. I am going to not stress terribly about my inability to truly "get" it, I just need to "get" it well enough in a couple of months, but I do look forward to a day when I can wow my colleagues with my facility with evidentiary issues.
I wonder what other of life's stumbling blocks are like this, things we can't master until we just do them. They're impossible to learn from books but, like, totally no big deal once we're in the middle of them. I hope lots because as many things seem unattainable these days, I prefer to picture future-me making astute objections in a death-penalty case.... in Spanish.

Chappy Chanukah!

Wintertime

This is the "back" way home after getting out of work at 2:30. It's a old highway that I guess it a dirt road when its not covered with snow. There's been about 2 feet already... and more coming through the night. For now, it's pretty charming.

Overheard at Work

 

"My boyfriend said, 'let's go coyote hunting... oh wait, we can't, it's elk season'"

 

This, apparently, turns out not to be true, as was confirmed by a quick call to a buddy at Game & Fish. Hunt away, friends!

Ten Years?

Hard to believe it's been ten years since high school-- time has gone very fast and very slow. Actually, exactly ten years ago I suppose we were preparing for our first round of college exams. Although when I think about college, especially the first couple of years, I don't remember the school work at all.
Anyway, like our cohort across the country, the Minneapolis Southwest Class of 1999 had our reunion over Thanksgiving weekend. And it was so fun. No, I mean SO FUN. I was looking forward to it already-- not in some weirdo Romy & Michelle way where I was going to finally prove to the world I am a worthwhile person now, afterall (because, let's be honest, pretty sure I was cool then, pretty sure I am cool now.) But the event totally exceeded my expectations. Everyone was so nice and happy to see each other and... adult. Everyone was relaxed and really in the moment, also so nice to see and be a part of. I was so impressed by what people were doing-- thankfully pretty varied but mostly all interesting and pursuing some kind of passion. It was great to see. Interestingly, there are a glut of attorneys in our class, but as far as I could tell, no medical doctors. I guess we can credit Minneapolis Public Schools for turning out cool kids... just not necessarily on its science curriculum.

ps. I may have tried to get two classmates to make out by tapping one on the shoulder, asking if he is single and suggesting he make out with the other one. Erm... some things never change? Go Lakers!

House! We're (most likely) Buying a House!

So after realizing how we could pay only slightly more each month and own a house... and hearing lots about the tax credit and subsequent extension of the tax credit, we started talking about buying a house. And in what seems like a very, very short amount of time, we have an accepted offer on a house about half a mile from where we live now- with a big fenced back yard, a fireplace and a wood-burning stove and lots and lots of room for visitors.

Barring anything weird with the upcoming inspection, we close December 18 (a month from yesterday!!!) and will be in our new house by Christmas. Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus, I bought you a house. I am so excited to paint walls orange and do whatever I want... well, within limits of what the fellow I've taken to calling my JWTROS (that's Joint Tenant with Right of Survivorship to those who either never took Property or have blocked it...) will allow. So far, so good because he's given the thumbs up to orange.

Come visit! In the mean time, here are some photos from the listing. More when we move in, obvio.

Wesleyan and Prison, together at last!

Hi President Roth,
I graduated from Wesleyan in 2003 and have spent a lot of the past 3 years I was in law school working in federal and state prisons. That work changed my life and colors the way I think about almost everything now, personally and professionally. I was so happy and proud to read the recent NY Times article about the Center for Prison Education. I think it's amazing not only for inmate students but for Wesleyan students to have the exposure and experience that spending time inside a prison is-- yet another way that Wesleyan is creating socially-conscious critical-thinkers.
As an alum, I find reasons to be proud of Wesleyan regularly-- but this one really struck me. I just wanted to relay my enthusiasm and let you know my little corner of the alumni network is bursting its buttons.

Thanks,

Sarah
_________________________

Present!

Although spending less right now is the smart thing, sometimes one finds something that one wants so much that one sends her boyfriend an email with a link saying, "you might as well get this for me as a gift because our money is going to be used to buy it eventually." And then a few weeks later, you get this sweet piece:




Love it!

Winners!

We went to a fundraiser here last night for the county humane society. There was a country band and a silent auction, among the prizes were a "muzzle brake" and a free dog adoption. We got a call today and apparently we won the adoption... so add new dog to all kinds of upcoming changes. More on that as it happens... (there are no weddings and no babies involved, fyi.)

Halloween 2009

I lost all of the awesome pictures from two weekends at the grand canyon with parents...

Except this one.

Make These!

From this recipe. Eat them with small corn tortillas, queso fresco and avocado. Add some tomato-less corn salsa from Trader Joe's. You will be very grateful as a salty/sweet and delicious jubilee occurs in your mouth.

Lately

I'll skip the b.s. since I never seem to make-up blog posts about things that have happened... since my last post Charlie's parents were here for a few days and then my mom was here for a week. A week (and then we've had another whole weekend since I started this post...) It was a good visit, I think good most importantly because there have been times, many times, in our relationship where a day-long visit would not have ended well. But this one was fine. My relationship with my mom is complicated and accounts for a lot of my "baggage" and is definitely not for public-blog consumption. BUT, perhaps through a combination of her changes and my own stability and recognition that while there are things I embrace very deeply about her (about both/all of my parents), I am not her and the things I don't like don't threaten me as deeply as they used to. Maybe it's growing up, maybe it's increasing exposure over the years to other parents, other people and the situations all kinds of people find themselves in. And maybe that all is growing up. It might sound elementary, but you can't pick your parents and you can't pick the terms of your birth. They're not perfect, they're just people.

Earlier this week an acquaintance-type facebook friend posted a rant about the SEPTA strike and how the drivers are greedy and a bunch of other drivel. It irked me incredibly. NO. I was raised, by my parents, to side with striking workers. People do not risk theirs jobs and strike unless it is important. I thought of last week, too, when I drove by people with signs in front of City Hall. My parents also taught me to, unless they're advocating something totally loony, honk and support them. They were for the public option. I honked. I thought of it while my mom was telling us the story of getting fired from her first lawyer job, while pregnant with me, on Christmas, after being elected president of her local. Thank you, parents. Thank you for giving me a head start on some of the lessons and values I hope I would have come to on my own eventually.

So yes, parents and family are flawed and disappointingly human. But I was happy to feel last week like I am increasingly able to appreciate the aspects that have made me who I am... and let the rest, as my mom would say, roll off my back.

We're Not in Kansas/Wisconsin Anymore

Last night on the news from Phoenix, they forecasted a cool-down over the weekend. Which, they said, is a good sign so kids don't get too hot under their heavy Halloween costumes.

 

Um, hey, anyone else remember the Halloween blizzard of 1991?

As Promised...

It's Sophy!

View from the Top, of Seattle

Rain Day

Puddle jumping my way across the West

DING DONG

You how they've been telling us "it's starting"* for, like, 6 years but it hasn't really been? I know four couples who have gotten engaged in the past week. I am sincerely happy for all of them- well, three of them. The other one I'm more ambivalent about (you don't know them, I promise. And if you do, you're also ambivalent.) But anyway. Holy crap. At this rate the whole world should be married by 2012. Maybe I should rethink my absolute rejection of the possibility of being a divorce lawyer.

Just kidding, engaged friends. Well, I'm not, I could make a lot of money... But I'm talking about those other people, not you, don't worry.

In the meantime, special congrats to my bloggity friends Fletcher and Lauren. I'm just going to tell people that instead of Wesleyan Spring Fling 2002, you guys got together through my blog, ok?


*Wedding-fever, that is.

Weekend Starts in 4 Hours...

Hey, guess what? I'm going to Seattle tonight. Just until Sunday. I promise a picture of Sophy when I get back. 

 

 

Ridiculous

"I prefer non-stop flights" is a ridiculous option to be able to check on an airfare website.  I am going to start one with options like "I prefer no screaming kids with inattentive parents" and "I prefer not to be bumped off my flight."

Commute

Pistachios

Did you know this is what pistachios look like, au naturale? You did?
Ok, then do you know how to eat them???

Soup to Nuts

I am a sicky sick-poo. Just a cold, but it's really knocking me down. I spent my lunch break sleeping in the back seat of my car. For an hour. Draw your own conclusions. After work I picked up our first real CSA share, the last one was just kind of a between-seasons thing. Notable in the share were pistachios, roasted green chilies and canteloupe! Oh my goodness.
Anyway, here's what I did tonight, I recommend it:

Bake a butternut squash- this way works well.

Scoop out the insides and add to food processor with some melted chicken stock you had in the freezer and then defrosted. Add a head of roasted garlic you weirdly made two days ago when you roasted all of the garlic in the house and ate one head of it by itself. Things get weird when Charlie is gone. Puree. Add some Bayou Blast (recipe at the bottom here. Better yet, add this shit to everything you make, because it will make it better. Anything. I swear. Use Kosher Salt because that also makes everything better. Together, it's magic.)

Mix the puree in with the remaining chicken stock. Try not to use too much chicken stock and have to try to boil off the excess like me. Voila, roasted garlic butternut squash soup!

And then, if you like me, go to bed by 8:30 because you're still sicky sick sick.

Twins

It's a good day to be from Minnesota. Tomorrow might not be so good... but we've got today.

 

And the Metrodome! The Metrodome! It won't go quietly into the night... I love it.

 

I think my homer hanky is in Minnesota, but I WILL be digging out the '87 World Series...

Question

I know two people in last week's wedding section of the NY Times. Does
this mean i've arrived or I am the biggest bobo of all?*

*a la David Brooks' Bobos in Paradise.

Weekend Recap

The whirlwind weekend in LA was wonderful. On a side note: I will go back, but I will fly there... the drive for just the weekend was ridiculous. Most of the weekend was spent in Roisin's backyard. There were many mimosas, two fabulous brunches and a good deal of Saturday watching my favorite almost-two-year-old frolic in a wading pool. Pics are amazing, would also probably land me in prison. People can be so touchy about naked babies... But there was so much laughing. One one level it seems silly to go all that way to sit around and laugh. On the other hand, if you don't get to do that in regular life, it's just the kind of vacation you need.

It's almost time...

To go to Los Angeles! Just 40 more minutes... I am bringing with me my 2009 birthday present, given to me October 1, but whatever...  my new camera! The old one has been all cracked up and busted since Spring Break, I'm stoked. I'll post whatever internet-appropriate pictures I come home with...

Kids

Our smoke detector, at about 20 ft off from the floor, has had a low battery and been "tweeting" since last Thursday. It's been... intense. Our landlord was over tonight with his 4 yr old daughter. The tweeting has stopped. And I miss interacting with kids.

Landlord: How old is the dog?
Me: He's seven and a half.
Girl: That's the same age as my brother!
Me: Maybe they are long-lost twins.
Girl: ... I don't think so.

The nerve . . .

This is my mom's story from yesterday, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did:

In early Spring, I put some old wooden window boxes out by the alley with a "FREE" sign. A woman came along while I was in the yard and took them, with my blessing. TONIGHT, at least five months later, she comes to the back door and explains that they didn't fit exactly right—a bit too wide, etc. I listen to her complaint about the fit. Put them out with the garbage, said I; I sure don't want them back.

Oh, she says, they're too big and the city garbage men won't take them, so I have them in my trunk, gesturing toward the alley – and she looks at me.

I am having a surreal moment. What would I do with them then?—I don't want them, I say. Oh, says batty lady, you could pay a private hauler I suppose.

No, said I – this is sort of like "tag, you're it." They became YOUR window boxes a long time ago.

So, I have to get rid of them," asks the woman who took them for free and now acts like I sold her a Lexus with a warranty …. I think so, said the nice lady in the yellow house.

**Other parts of the live-telling of the story include the woman looking at my mom as if to say, "I am never shopping here again!"

Bzzz Bzzzz Bzzzz

I need a dream dictionary or something. I know other peoples' dreams are super-boring, but last night I had an incredibly realistic one- that I was stung by a bee and had an allergic reaction. My throat was swelling shut and in the dream, I got an epinephrine shot and everything went back to normal. Now the notable thing is that I felt the pain of the bee sting, the sensation of my throat closing, the prick of the epi pen and the release of constriction in my throat and chest. AND the weirdest thing is that I woke up in an adrenaline rush, right after dreaming I'd been given the epi shot. I am not sure that I've ever had such a thorough and realistic dream, replete with all of these weird bodily reactions.  Unless Charlie was poking me with needles during the night and sitting on my chest, my subconscious was doing like one of those simulator rides—to the center of the earth! Or something. Anyway, thought I'd share.

Forecast for Today

Wake up. Approx. 40 degrees. Potatoes, Onions, Kale hash (from CSA) and eggs. NPR. Haircut for Chuckles, drop dog off at kennel. High of 75. Drive to Phoenix. High of 102. Check in to Radisson. Go to Diamondbacks game. Drink beers. Have fake-cheese nachos. Drinks with friends after. Low of 90.

Today

Today I was accused of calling a defense lawyer's office and trying to "order them around."   I was also corrected for doing three different things wrong by three different people in the span of about 10 minutes. These are only two reasons it's 4:25 and draggggging.

Via Chicago

I fly to Chicago in eight hours, traveling from O'Hare to Lakeside. Like I did last winter when I was the last flight to land at O'Hare before Christmas. Or when I went back for my grandpa's funeral. Or when I flew back from study abroad in South America. Or countless times since my first visit, at a week old, the story goes.
I don't like living in a third-tier airport market. I don't like time zones and distance making it so hard to get back to where I need to be when I need to be there. I'm leaving at 6am and will roll in to Lakeside around dinner time. Unacceptable. Anyway, I delayed lots of feelings all week and have been having them a lot today. And feeling some of the costs of adventure.

Grandma Jane

Jane L. Biehl, Jane L. Erlinder, Jane L. Nesius
1915-2009

My grandma died this morning. She lived enough life for two people. She spoke Swedish, although she wouldn't admit it. She was a career woman before that was what women did. She loved to travel and sewed her grandchildren halloween costumes, I've been looking for the picture of me as Rainbow Brite at 4 to show you how awesome it was. She went from southside Chicago to Lakeside, Michigan, one of the most special places on earth. She could cut a mean rug, polka or otherwise, and loved to dance. She loved me so much, and those I loved. Even if towards the end she would ask, "whose dog is that?" But then would follow it up with, "he's such a nice dog." For the past few years, she inquired regularly about my "friend" Charlie. She made the best swedish meatballs. She was a lady in the purest sense, my mom tells how in all their painting of the Lakeside house when it was still a fixer-upper summer house, Grandma Jane could paint an entire room without getting a speck of paint on her. She had an undeniable sense of humor.

Surprise 90th birthday.

She's the one on the left, with friends from work in her Montgomery Ward accounting days.

Thankfully, the past 3 years in Madison meant I got to see her pretty often. And her death was relatively pain-free. But darn it, I already miss this woman a whole lot.

Question

What the hell is this?

Let's Play

Let's play a game I am going to call "find the flaw." Since moving to Arizona, we've been going to Sonic... a lot. I've only eaten there once, though- these trips have all been for drinks. Every day from 2-4 pm is "happy hour," therefore half-priced, and I so get a Route 44 size diet cherry limeade for $1.32. I enjoy it very much. So naturally I have been trying to figure out how it's bad for me and why I should stop. Now, at 26 calories for the whole she-bang, it can't be that. And at half-price, it's not a habit that will break the bank. It's not carbonated... so there goes bone-loss. I guess artificial sweeteners aren't good... but, really, can someone please tell me why I should stop? Have I found the last safe vice, might I float away, brain curdled by maraschino cherries?

For the Benefit and Enjoyment of the People

On Thursday we went to a sneak preview of the new Ken Burns' documentary about the National Parks. There's an article about it in today's NYTimes. It was really wonderful. Not, like, accompanied by a performance by Allison Krauss and Counting Crows, but still really nice. The theater had good microbrews and popcorn. We were perhaps 15 years younger than most anyone else there (except the kids who got dragged along with their parents.) I am excited for the series because of I think what Burns says in his interview, the "who are we?" of the Parks is pretty compelling. There's a lot of emphasis on democracy and equality in the Parks, which I am not sure is completely true, but obviously I like the idea of quite a bit. (A side note in the ny times story is that I used to work with Burns' daughter, when she was in the mentioned "internship" where she/they got interested in the Central Park jogger case.) In the parts we saw there is also the story of the evolution of the parks, showing that the first struggle is to get everyone on the same page that we want these at all... but it doesn't end there, there is an evolution of people thinking about how we want to run them. Parks existed completely for peoples' amusement for a long time and it took another kind of revolution in thought that not only do we want parks, but we want them to be faithful to the needs of the environment. There are some natural parallels, I think, to some of other hot debates of democracy today. I am also saddened to see the NYTimes predict the public option is dead today, as well. I'm not sure, but am thinking along the lines of the story of the parks, that perhaps doing it at all is the first step and then we can work towards doing it right.

CONSUMPTION IS LIFE

Hi friends, you know how much I enjoy consumerism, and I missed it so being funemployed and poor. So I thought I'd share some of the products that have greatly improved our lives in, like, the past week.

I came home from work on Friday and Charlie had purchased and set up: A Wii. Rockband. Wii Fit. Mario Kart. I was delighted. Charlie was amused when I emphasized that this is the first video game system I have ever had... as an only girl-child... makes sense, but still. At 28 I've arrived!

Surprisingly, we still tore ourselves away from video game to go up to Colorado and spend a night at Mesa Verde. Uncharacteristically, we chose to stay in the lodge in the park instead of camping (partly to do with dog restrictions, truthfully.) I'm so glad we did, though. Not only because that night there were lightning storms that started 5 forest fires in the park and then put them out with the rain (reason enough to be glad we weren't camping) but- the hotel was so cool. Not deluxe at all, very basic, really, but it was this complex of sets of maybe 6 or so rooms that were free-standing and all had decks with different cool views of the mesa.

On our return to Flagstaff, we were converted by this article about coffee and bent on changing our coffee-making situation. We so far resisted a $130 burr grinder, but did spring $28 for the Aero Press. And decided to buy coffee from a local awesome coffee place to make at home. So far, so great! The Aero Press takes some adjustment, but the coffee it makes is really good.

Basically, being a two-income household (in theory, I still haven't gotten paid yet...) is great. It's interesting because living in the boonies and in a place where you don't know anyone is a great way to save money. There's no reason not to bring my lunch and so far we have only been eating out on Thursday nights ("date night") after Charlie gets back from the reservation. On the flip side, I am enjoying spending money thoughtfully on things that improve our lives-- video games only kind of count, I know. I love picking up our CSA share every week and brainstorming meals based around the fresh and local fruits and veggies we get. I like spending a little more to get really good, local coffee. And, because I'm not eating out or buying coffee daily, I think we still come out ahead.

Obviously when you don't have money, there aren't many choices to make. But I am enjoying having the latitude to make some choices of better ways to shop and live and still being fiscally responsible. I can't speak for Charlie, though, word is Beatles Rockband will be arriving at our house tomorrow....

Unlucky #5?

Arizona is the fifth state I've lived in. Well, I guess really the 6th, but the 5th since I got my driver's license. I can't explain what AZ holds that Connecticut, New York and Wisconsin didn't, but I guess a search for permanence (and that it's technically required by my job) caused me to get an Arizona Driver's License yesterday. Obviously the DMV took forever, thats a lame and boring story. But I got the license. One thing you may not know about Arizona drivers licenses is that they are good forever. Well, almost forever. This is terrifying based on the number of old people here. But I digress. The license I got yesterday expires on May 28th, 2046.

I am not kidding. The strange thing is that that is 5 days AFTER my 65th birthday. Hmmm... weird... Wait a minute.... they have my birthday wrong. I have an incorrect license that is good for another 37 years. DAMN IT! I was supposed to never have to go to the DMV again. Instead I guess I'll go next week...

Unrelated

To my last point, Ferris Bueller just started on AMC. Although we own two copies on DVD, I feel compelled to watch. At least glad they recognize it is an American Movie Classic.

Related to two posts ago, the homemade yogurt on its own is a little intense (I used whole milk as the website suggests for starting out) but then I let some sit in a colander with cheese cloth in the fridge for 24 hours. I added some salt and garlic powder-- and it's a delicious tangy and savory sour cream/cream cheese type topping something like crackers. THAT I cannot recommend highly enough. My next attempt will be with skim or 1% in an attempt to make such a delicious thing with some kind of health benefit over the original.

Life Moves Pretty Fast...

I just checked and the first deadline for taking the February Arizona bar exam is tomorrow. Soooo... I am not getting my application and fingerprints and all in by then. Meaning I can pay an extra $100 if I decide by the end of Sept. Or up to an extra $300 (gulp... $675 total... plus Bar/Bri, plus plus plus). So I need to decide ASAP if I'm going to do this. Kind of a rude long-term awakening while basking in my first-day accomplishment. What's that? Oh, just being employed to be a lawyer's secretary.

Ok. I need to take it, I will take. Yes! My fun money seems to be slipping away...

Oatmeal Pancakes

I made oatmeal pancakes this morning (before the aforedreamed nytimes and coffee session), basically this recipe. Except not really at all. All of the ingredients, except nutmeg and wheat germ because I didn't have any. And about 3-6 times as much oatmeal, but cooked, steel cut oats. They were good, real good and a nice way to avoid sweet breakfasts leaving me vaguely nauseated and hungry an hour later.

I am also experimenting withe making my own yogurt from here. And even looking forward to making my own laundry detergent when what we have runs out. Although I've always really liked making things I never considered I could make myself, I do have to give credit for many of these ideas to the Christian Mommy Blogs I've been frequented. I mean, I might not believe in Satan. Or hell. Or Jesus. Or "submission" to one's husband. Or letting God decide how many kids one has (since apparently God always chooses, like, 17)... but I sure can I get behind saving a buck or two!

I'll let you know how the yogurt, laundry detergent and possible birth-again turn out.

Late August

My friend Josie has a wonderful post about this, we're entering the 4th anniversary of Katrina. Like she says, it's funny (um, not ha-ha funny, come on now...) how much my life has changed because of Katrina, in these four years and for the better.

Four years ago I had been reading all I could read and watching all I could watch about what was happening while at work. I met Jota and David for Happy Hour, we spent every Tuesday that summer at some weird and mostly lame bar in Tribeca that had outdoor seating and strong $2 margaritas on Tuesdays (and neither of those things are weird or lame at all.) That was when information was minimal, I remember David saying 10,000 people were dead. Of course it ended up being both more and less severe than this. I remember so clearly trying to comprehend that through a couple of strong $2 margaritas.

Since then we've all three become lawyers. I spent 2.5 of those years working for and with students and people of the Gulf Coast. I found a passion, my passion, and I found out how hard I could work. I found new skills. I did good work. I met great people. As one of the SHN friends said, "my closest friends in law school don't go to my school." That friend, he is down there. So many of those people are working in the region, continuing the work we did together. The anniversary has made me think about how I am not. Earlier this summer, before Flagstaff was 100% for sure and when there was possibility I would be in New Orleans, another wonderful friends I know through this work sent me a text message, reassuring me, "you will do good and important work wherever you are." And so I am not disappointed, or even wrestling with it, although on this anniversary is feels strange to have gotten so close and come so far from that place. To have become part of a community and then gone somewhere else to start over.

And on the other hand. I am still in the place I am because, in some sense, of Katrina and that work. However one wants to portray it- I like: It took the spirit of New Orleans to open Charlie's eyes to how much he loved me. He probably prefers... no, this is my blog, we're going with my version. Everyone would agree, however, that our first trip to New Orleans changed our lives, we spent it interviewing workers on street corners together and having our minds blown. We got "together" a week later. So it is not at all disconnected from Katrina that we a) are a team now and b) came to Arizona so that one (and eventually both) of us can continue working for social justice-- working for the tired, the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of the teeming shore. Continuing the work, in a way, in another place that America has broken its promise.

Unfortunately, the food can't compare.

7 Good Things (Note: "Seven Pounds" was not one of them)

1. Well, you know, first is probably the JOB I WAS OFFERED TODAY. I start Monday. It's hard to express what a relief it is. If I chose to be cynical, I could describe it as the same job I had before law school but for much less money. But I choose not to be cynical. In reality, it's about the best situation I could be in (like, considering I didn't take the AZ bar, have no contacts in town, etc.). I am really stoked. I will have health insurance and a paycheck and county benefits and hopefully a full week before I remember that working isn't always that awesome.

2. We have a Sunday-only subscription to the NY Times starting this Sunday. This was the first week of Charlie staying out on the reservation, so number 2a is that he'll come home tomorrow night, we'll celebrate #1 with dinner out and the bottle of champagne Karen & Drew passed along for just such an occasion. Yes we moved inexpensive champagne to AZ. What? So 2b will almost certainly be how nice it will be to relax with the Sunday Styles with my boy and my dog in a couple of days, with the knowledge the next day will start my return to contributing member of society.

3. We were able to join in on the end of a summer CSA. Four more weeks of this one, which gave us tomatoes, turnips, beets, salad greens, potatoes, onion, carrots and cucumber last week. I picked up this week's share this afternoon, which was essentially the same but green beans and radishes instead of tomatoes and carrots. Yum!

4. My car insurance is over $200 cheaper per year in Flagstaff over Madison. Like, I have the exact same policy with the exact same insurer. So that's an unexpected perk of the move.

5. This week marks the tenth anniversary of going to college. Monday night we were able to toast it, Erica and I discussed it on the phone last night. It's a good thing. Incidentally, my sister went to college on Monday, too. We can sing Circle of Life together later if you want.

6. I found the natural foods store in town. I had gotten kind of worried/weirded our that I couldn't find a co-op or Whole Foods-type place. Well, Flag has a New Frontiers. Whatever, I don't need to do all my shopping at places like that (nor can I afford it, even with the new dual incomes...) but I was feeling panicky without a place to buy bulk spices-type things. I had some eel rolls with brown rice from there for lunch today. Stamp of approval!

7. Since today was Dog Day... well actually not because of that at all, but because I had to time and the promise of future earnings, I got Aberdeen a fancy new brush, brushed him and washed him in pomegranate fru-la-la dog shampoo that is supposed to reduce shedding. He hated the whole thing. Lucky for him in between the brushing and the washing we went on a walk on one of the nearby trails, where he can be off-leash and explore all the southwestern creepy crawlys he wants. Since his actual Dog Day was more bad than good, I thought I'd honor my constant companion by sharing his funniness. I had kind of gotten used to it and don't think it's so weird anymore, until the Monday visitors saw it and thought it was very funny.

Ok, so this is like what he does. Like immediately after I make the bed.



"Hey, Aberdeen... Aberdeen... You want to go outside?"



.....



He's magical.

So that's all the good things I can think of, there's a lot. Oh, perhaps the most critical of all, everything on clearance at Old Navy is another 50% off. So you can go, and like me, get 3 work-appropriate top-sweater things for $20. And then, like me, you'll be very thrifty as well as very lucky.

It's National Dog Day, apparently.

Ted Kennedy

Ted Kennedy died. When they do retrospectives on him, the gist is: everything good, you owe to Ted Kennedy. It makes me very sad. And we've reached the real end of the real "greatest generation" in American history. It's been clear, he and his family have been in a bad place for a long time and so for them I am perhaps a little grateful the hard time has ended... but for America... we're sunk! We'll never get a man so senior, so stately and so ready to rip shit up. I have and had a tremendous amount of respect for this man, he is irreplaceable. I am not sure how often I will be able to say that. What a baby brother made good! So, Teddie, please keep ripping shit up wherever you are, we'll miss you.

Friends

I was very lucky yesterday and today to be a stop on the Great Erin/s and Maggie Road Trip of 2009. I would have been thrilled to host these friends in Madison, where I had friends, but it was especially nice to have guests in this new home where (since Charlie is currently on the Rez, as he will be every week) I know not a single other person. Except the garbage guy, Patrick. Oh, and the CSA lady, Karna. But really, I have not even a real acquaintance here... so friends at all was wonderful. And what was even more wonderful, was that Maggie turned in her dissertation, from my house, this morning. Dr. McConnell! What followed was the best. After a round of high-fives, we went to town and drank bloody marys in the "Coffee and Spirits" shop of a circa 1927 Route 66 motel. So first, I am thrilled to be with people who delight in getting bloody marys at noon on a Tuesday. And we're sitting there, talking about both the common experience of events and people at college, in Brooklyn and beyond. We asked another customer, a middle-aged Chicos-shopping woman to take our picture. She asked where we were visiting from. A flood of un/necessary answers came out, "L.A., well, Pasadena, well, Cambridge... and Oregon and well, I just moved here... and..." Erin offered that Maggie just completed her Ph.D and I just finished a J.D. "Smart women!" the photographer said. And we followed up with, "and she's studying architecture at Harvard and she's getting an MBA and... and... and." She was pleased and overwhelmed. And I was so happy to be with, for lack of a better term, what I consider "Wesleyan-caliber" friends. It's really what I associate with people I know from that place. These are friends earning advanced degrees and doing amazing things who don't think twice about drinking strong bloody marys with you on a Tuesday morning, to celebrate one person's success and us all being together.

AZ Update

And gosh, look, a mere 9 days later, we live in Arizona and finally have internet and phone service. Since our arrival almost a week ago, it's been a blur of unpacking and assembling and buying things.
Some things that have happened so far:
~We went to the Grand Canyon at the same time as the Obamas.

That's Barack and Sasha. I swear.

~People are really nice here. Like, really, really nice. I never really bought the midwest "nice," it usually felt phony and/or intrusive to me. But here, oh my goodness. The garbage driver came and knocked on the door to introduce himself the first time he came by. Checking for Vinho Verde at a Phoenix Trader Joe's turned into a conversation about the TJ's guy's beard growth for when he plays Santa. They're not like those conversations where you're shrinking away trying to get the person to stop talking, either. Not yet, anyway.

~The altitude is serious. Aberdeen wimps out of walks. I was looking online today for a bike ride route that wasn't called a "climb." A climb of, you know, like 2000 feet? What-ever.

~Our house has a hummingbird feeder and we get lots. I'll try to take a picture to show you. We also can see an unbelievable number of stars from the deck.

~I have an interview on Monday. I am trying not to get hopes too high, but have also now seen in real life that staying home alone for 4 days/week and not knowing one single person... well... the charm will wear off. If you can call it charm...

~Tonight we're celebrating C's first day of work and having a date where we'll eat sushi. Now that's charming!

~Also, now, with about 20 seconds of looking I can find 4-5 grey hairs. I think it'll be a good look for me... but geesh, how stressful was that move?

We move tomorrow!

I want my money back. For both the sticker and the degree, please.

This is John

He's singing "money for nothing (chicks for free)" in live band
karaoke and is one of the best things I've seen in awhile.

You Might be Moving if...

You peel and lay the strings from a string cheese across a freezer-burned boca burger, microwave it and call it lunch.

I'll save you the picture I took, it's gross. Lunch was saved by Cholula and sliced tomato from the "farm."

On Money

Ok, so here's the thing... we're not poor. But I am on foodstamps, things are about as tight as I remember them being. This is not a poor poor me post. But one about the things I've noticed while trying to stretch a dollar. Well, for one, today I made almost $140 selling 4 graphing calculators on ebay, as well as the bluetooth headset that came free with Charlie's cell phone. Not bad. But last week we were spending foodstamps at the Co-op and inquired about what happens when we move away. We were on some annual membership payment plan, so just wanted to make sure we cancelled it out, didn't end up owing them $7/yr for the next ten years or something. For some reason, they told us they owe us $13. When we quit, we can either cash that out or donate it to the co-op. Riding home in the car, Charlie said he could guess what I wanted to do with the $13. "Donate it...." I said. He was surprised, I don't think because he disagreed, but more because I had been listing calculators on ebay earlier that day.
Similarly, the other week I went to Planned Parenthood for my free exam and birth control, also courtesy of the state of Wisconsin. At the end of the visit, they asked me to take an envelope and make a donation to PP if I was able. So I went home, thought about how when I had insurance I paid $15/month co-pay and they had just given me 3 months worth for free... so wrote them a check for $30. Everybody wins, right?
So here's the thing. Just like this isn't supposed to be a poor me post, it also isn't supposed to be about how awesome I am. I mean, I am pretty awesome but... I went to law with a number of people who, well, at least anticipated making $160,000+ per year. There were some of these people who refused to participate in the "pledge-a-day" and donate one day's salary to fund public interest student summer stipends. There are some of these people who will not donate to anything until their student loans are paid off.
My point is that I thought this was gross when I had a student's income. Now I think it's totally sick. I mean, ethics don't (or shouldn't) change depending on how much money you have. Plus, this time has really emphasized to me what I have always believed- except for in very extreme cases, whether someone can "afford" something or not is based on priorties. I think the right thing to do is to pay what seems fair to Planned Parenthood and scrimp in that many other ways in other parts of life. I mean, JHC, we're driving to Milwaukee tonight to eat delicious pizza for dinner. Obviously we feel there are some things we can spend $30 on. I just think more than ever there needs to be a little more calling people out on what "afford" really means.

And if it really came down to it? This pizza might be worth getting pregnant for. Just kidding. Kind of.

More Madison

Moving

It sucks. We know this. There are about 47 things that could go
terribly wrong, but even if they don't, it's still a hassle. On the
radio today they said Americans move on average every 3.5 years. I
haven't lived somewhere that long since high school. Or possibly ever
if you count the broken home. I've been sticking in the same place for
why feels like longer lately, which is nice. But when I really think
about it, it means moving every 2 years instead of 4 months. An
improvement. I'm still dragging the average down. The drop-dead date
is August 13, that's when the western adventure begins. Apparently
now we can't move in until August 17... but lucky for us we've got two eager
beaver young lawyers among us, one who just took the AZ bar.
We, like, knew the statute cites when negotiating where the landlord was going
to put us up for those two days we thought we'd be living there.

I have fewer clothes than I used to. But jesus there are like two full
storage containers
of bags. You know, purses, backpacks, tote bags... whatevs.

I am excited to have some space for all my crap. This apartment has
never really felt clean
or orderly because there has always been too much shit for the size of it.

The answer? No, not get rid of the shit, silly! Pack it up and move it
1300 miles to a bigger house, duh!!!!!

Madison

Things I'll miss...

Packing

Sometimes in packing you find cool stuff. Like, um, yesterday when
Charlie found $1k state tax refund check. Today I found this box,
overflowing with international travel memories.

Have I Ever Mentioned We Live So Close to a Lake?

Which looks far more pastoral here than in reality. Aberdeen and I
went walking by it this morning.

Frustrated, Incorporated.

What I don't like about how I feel lately is how it all feels very tenuous. We got that house... elation! Came home from the Porkies to learn I don't qualify for Obama's cheapo COBRA... tragedy. (Also, btw totally unfair to say that no longer being able to do a job because I graduated was a voluntary loss of employment. I would have totes kept working at the FJRC for $1k/month and health insurance as long as they'd have me...) I also realized tonight that people should be careful. Like maybe a status message on Facebook about how you're looking through your employee benefits package stings a bit more than you'd intended to a girl who has to call the cardiologist's office tomorrow and cancel her appointment because she is no longer insured. I hope I haven't made someone else have that feeling, I am afraid I probably have.

We started packing to move. It's hot and it sucks. There's almost too much time, we'll be able to do a great job of stretching this misery out for a week to ten days. I got paid by the public defenders, which means I have now appeared in court and been paid for it, which really keeps me in the minority of my peers for now... I'll probably be clinging to that as a shriveled old unemployed lady... I coulda been a contender!

I want a job partially so we can get more stuff! We'll make it on Charlie's... but it will suck. And I have needs. Like flying places and a queen-sized bed and patio furniture and possibly even a Wii, ok?

The Hunter Becomes the Hunted

I guess "the teacher becomes the student" is a little more apt. But whatever. I wrote this last week, then got distracted by a camping trip in the Porkies. More on that later.

Two Fridays ago, I got a call from my dad. He was in San Francisco and tells me he is in the hospital, needs an emergency appendectomy but refuses to go under the knife without a will or an advanced directive. After the initial shock of "I'm in the hospital," I was totally annoyed and outraged. I more or less contained it through the day's successful surgery, his couple more days hospitalized with a nagging fever and even through the delicious beet & chevre salad and mussels I had for lunch with him yesterday. I was about to get in the car to head back to Madison, when I kind of let him have it.

It's really dumb for him not to have a will. And he knows that. I was almost more irritated about the advanced directive because while not planning for the division of his stuff will create a headache for us, not expressing his desires for his health care is more troubling to me. And I threw in little things like that I give him the benefit of the doubt and don't think his not doing these things are a result of not caring about his health or his loved ones... but it can look like that. He hasn't thankfully had anything that turned out to be major, but he does have a tumor inside his skull, had a melanoma removed from his back and may need a heart valve replaced. So, like, we're all going to die, but there have been a couple reminders recently that he may sooner than... well.... enough reminders that it's dumb not to plan for the inevitable.

Anyway, I was also a little mad at myself because I had kind of assumed he made these plans and hadn't. So, now I know to nag him until he does (or the will in his chart at whatever SF hospital will remain in effect...) and I suggest you do the same with your delinquent parents in denial.

Tony the Tiger Does Not Approve

I was feeling self-congratulatory today, on getting the house and eating almost exclusively free food (complimentary breakfast and food stamps!) so I got a manicure. That guy did not approve of my decision. He said all I need is a one bedroom that is not too dirty and not too dangerous. Because I need to save up for my "american dream." I definitely giggled. Then he told me to go to his apartment complex and ask about openings, telling them, as he wrote on the back of the nail place's business card, Tony "the Tiger" sent me. Really weird and amusing. The scales tipped even weirder when he began serenading me with the lyrics for the instrumental easy listening radio station while rubbing lotion into me.

TSA Math

At the store, out of toothpaste, I decide to pay $1.97 for 3 oz. of toothpaste instead of $1.50 for 6oz... because, well, I'll be able use it again after I fly back to MN on Friday.

Um, President Obama, we're in a "recession," perhaps we should de-prioritize the federal subsidy of the travel-sized toiletries industry?

Notable

1. The mayor of Flagstaff is a 28 year old public defender named Sara. I'm not kidding.

2. I found us a really wonderful place today, here's hoping the applications go through. For about $80 more per month than we pay now in Madison, we'd live in a 2+ bedroom, 2 bath, 2 car garage. It's a super-nice place in a this cool kind of residential cabins in the pines area south of town- apparently originally founded for places for Phoenixers to escape the heat. There's lots of room for visitors and delish meals... think about it blogreaders. We're getting a good deal because the house is on the market, so we pay cheaper rent in exchange for them being able to show it-- and us leaving with 30 days notice. It's kind of ideal for the situation we're in and assuming it goes through, will be a huge relief to know we're going to land somewhere so awesome when we head this way with the u-haul in a few weeks. Yikes!

3. Holy crap! The Hyundai Accent is a total piece of crap... but got over 40 miles to the gallon on the last tank. What's wrong with my KIA? Oh, maybe that I don't worry it won't get over a hill? That's probably it.

4. I'd read that Flagstaff was a "dark-sky city" or, I guess, the first dark-sky city. I wasn't sure what it would look like and stayed out a little later tonight to check it out (this missing 3/4 of Daily Show/Colbert...!) I can't describe it very well... it's just... darker. There are street lights, but they, like all the other lights, are just dimmer. The Safeway looked closed, for example, I guess that's something to get used to. Supposedly the stars are awesome here because of the lack of light pollution, but the cloudy "monsoon season" skies will have to clear to see them.

5. Things to remember: Prescott, AZ is "press kit." Verde Valley is "ver-dee." Guess the girl from the land of Nick-o-let Ave. should stop throwing stones (in Milwaukee and France, it's Nick-o-lay.)

6. Don't worry, I've already scoped the local Target and driven passed Old Navy & Marshalls... I've also been listening KNAU, Flagstaff Public Radio (they broadcast in Spanish translation some place. Um... swoon!) All are important to me and all are up to snuff.

7. I think I really like it here. I was definitely apprehensive yesterday (and would be lying if I said I was no longer apprehensive) but it's really grown on me. Maybe it was the hefeweizen on the patio for lunch at Flagstaff Brewing Company? Maybe it was figuring our my way around or the charming downtown? It's funny, though, because in some ways has made me realized how accustomed I've gotten to my quasi-urban lifestyle. It'll definitely be different, we get a house... but sacrifice the gym around the corner and bars and restaurants up the street. But... we're landing in a good place for now.

Now about that pesky employment situation...

Differences

A couple of differences I've noticed so far on my sojourn to Arizona.

1. Local news from Phoenix shows current temp- 10:22pm is 99 degrees. It's about 65 right now in Flagstaff.

2. The woman at Hertz told me I needed a bigger car than a Hyundai Accent to go "up north" because they are having "weather." She thought the Accent would "probably make it...but...." I clarified that "weather" meant rain and told her I thought I'd be fine.

3. Daily Show and Colbert are over by 9 here. Weird.

There will be more, I am sure, once I have interacted with more than: a rental car lady, a waiter, front desk clerk and checkout guy.

Sandwiches

Charlie and I sometimes talk about our future project, opening "Macon Coffee." Macon Coffee will definitely be a cool coffee shop... sometimes it will also offer the opportunity for people to fix their bikes there and/or get legal advice and fill out pro se materials. Whatever form it ends up taking, obviously we'll need to develop a menu of expensive sandwiches. So we periodically create sandwiches and name them after wherever we are. The Bandelier is pb and avocado on wheat. The Franklin (our street in Madison) is pb and melted cheese... on wheat. There's some others but neither of us can remember them tonight. But tonight, ladies and gents, I've developed the Flagstaff Snack Plate. It's Ryvita (rye/sesame) crackers with avocado smooshed over it (no knifes at the Ramada, apparently), slice of pepper jack and some turkey. You may have noticed a theme, or rather, that all of our sandwiches are made from essentially the same ingredients. WHATever. Keeps overhead low, right?

Mildly related sad story: Local news reporting that shoplifting hasn't increased, but that now people are stealing food, firewood and personal hygiene products. Sad face.

Not Needed

Family doesn't seem to understand that "wow, you're in a tough situation" and "don't you feel lonely going to Flagstaff like this" are not good things to talk about. Oh, and how I will get murdered by someone showing me an apartment from Craigslist. I didn't know how easy it would be make me cry by rehashing the imperfect details of my situation. But now we all know it's a good way to get me to forgo homemade blueberry ice cream and head to bed at 9:45 after saying, "I don't know how to change any of these things before my 7am flight tomorrow. There are a lot of un-ideal things about my life right now."

UPDATE: They did give me bison burgers and the idea to use all my excess mint to make iced tea... so it's not all bad. Just, like, I liked the other parental side's strategy of taking us out for dinner to celebrate my first case and telling me things are hard but I have options better. Stupid equally-flawed-in-different-ways parents. Sometimes I wish I spawned from robots. Although robots wouldn't eat bison or mint tea, I guess.

On the move...

It's been noted by others (as well as my own self in my head) that we've been on the move quite a bit this summer. Generally not trips that cost any more than the gas, but it's still a little ironic that (f)unemployment is what it takes to be able to have the freedom to get around. Tomorrow I drive to Minneapolis in order to catch a flight to Phoenix at 7am Tuesday morning. Then I drive my rental car to Flagstaff and stay at the Ramada until Friday when I come back to Phoenix and return to Minneapolis. While in Flagstaff, I try to find us a place to live and try to replace my generalized anxieties about the unknown with particularized anxieties about the barely known. Then I spent a couple of days in the Twin Cities, hanging out with my family, etc. before heading to a cabin with Kristina and her little family (hello qt with my favorite kindness-child) as well as her mom and stepdad. Then back to Madison. Meanwhile, Charlie makes his way to Anchorage for a wedding and then to Tucson for the bar. I am getting better at spelling Tucson right on the first try. We meet back up in Madison late next week and head up to the Upper Peninsula with the d-o-g to camp for a couple of nights here. No, it's not the "bar trip" of some of our peers-- a month in Italy? A tour of southeast Asia? But we're not that fancy. And we're broke. But he's been working hard and deserves a mini-break someplace pretty with his girl and his dog.
It'll be nice to have him back, mentally, and start being able to really work together on this big move. Plus it's been pretty boring being a bar-widow.

Highlights of this weekend include figuring out how and using food stamps at the farmer's market and grilling ostrich burgers (& filets) with friends on the deck. Last week also enjoyed an epic 25 mile bike ride around Lake Mendota, watching Bruno at 2-4-1 student night and noticing the hot peppers in the deck farm are growing after all! Yes, it's a quiet and domestic life here... wait, did I mention burning 5 audio books to my computer for the move-drive? Um, right, still quiet and domestic.

Joke

Man on the Street: Do you know any jokes?

Me: No, I don't think so. Do you?

MOTS: I know lots of them, millions, that's how I get money, food and cigarettes.

Me: I don't have any of those things. But what's the joke?

MOTS: A girl with big breasts works at Hooters. Where does a girl with one leg work?

Me: . . .

MOTS: IHOP!

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Democrats

This is all a little tongue in cheek, but I've really been appreciate President Obama and the dems lately. Maybe because I am the not-working poor.

Some examples:
I listened to a lot of NPR on my drive home from Michigan yesterday. Judge (soon to be Justice?) Sotomayor is so great. What a cool, calm, collected, smart, experienced choice she was. Also, this is maybe my law nerd side, but everyone needs to shut up about how judges are supposed to be umpires. This may be more true in trial court or even appellate court. But one thing I learned from my stint at the WI Supreme Court to a lesser extent, is that cases only get up to that level because they are tough calls. And because both sides have a strong argument and could possibly prevail. Sometimes precedent needs to be overturned-- or we'd be stuck with b.s. like segregation. I know she wasn't supposed to say it, but Sotomayor's quote about policy being made in federal appellate courts... is true. And I for one would rather have someone smart and fair who understands how it works. She's totally not perfect, seems to be really law & order (not in the re-run good way) and pro-prosecution, but criminal cases are really infrequently heard by the Court, comparatively. And I'd rather have that lady, with her experiences and biases, evaluating my case than Clarence Thomas. Once he figures out how to tie his shoe. Also, hip hip hooray for Al Franken's first, well, really anything since getting sworn in. He was smart and humble, I thought. Just how I like my men...

Ok, also, I was getting really jazzed about Dr. Regina Benjamin for Surgeon General. Maybe I'm being naive and we'll learn she has a Cruella DeVille coat made of puppies... but so far, she looks awesome. Coastal Alabaman community doctor for the poor?? Swoon. Again, good work President Obama.

Now on to the personal. I just renewed a book from the Madison Public Library online. This may sound simple, but it's really, really cool that there is a free place that anyone can go and get books. Kids and moms and homeless people and-- me! So, thanks, government for funding the library.

My foodstamps card came finally! I'm officially on the dole. No, this is not how I pictured life after law school... but I am very happy to live in a society where we have things like food stamps. And I will continue to happily pay into these programs for the rest of my working life.

And, finally, thanks to the Dems for getting me relatively cheap COBRA health insurance coverage. You guys are the best!!

Thanks

Today I floated down a strange river somewhere in Wisconsin with my fellow unemployeds/unstudying for the bar-ers. Iliana, Sophy and I drank Miller Chill and laughed and got muddy and sunburned. Then we ate burgers at Culvers, went home for a rest and reconvened for Pho... pretty awesome day. And tomorrow I have the settlement conference for my client. My client. You know, the person I am getting paid to advise and advocate for as an attorney? Then I head to Michigan for some beach, dad and grandma time (and coverletter writing time, naturally.)
Basically, this is all to say that I am feeling better. I am relieved because I feel like I can sink very fast, emotionally, but also that I still seem to have the coping mechanisms not to stay down there for too long. Of course, this is speaking to the audience that isn't my patient boyfriend who has to console me when I'm down, it's late... and I've had a pitcher of beer. I also have great friends and have heard some really nice things from a lot of people. Alijo reminded me that when I get a job, I'll have it all, "a career, a loving partner, an unparalleled instinct for finding a bargain, and an utterly devoted beagle." It's also nice to remember that even right now, I have three out of four. Not to mention good people who are good friends to me all over the place. And the bargain hunting? NO ONE can take that away from me.


PS. I'm back on Facebook, obvi. When you leave Facebook, they show this screent that says, "Are you sure you want to deactivate your account? Your 506 friends will no longer be able to keep in touch with you." And then shows 4 pictures of your with randomly selected friends, "Kristina will miss you," "Charlie will miss you," "Drew will miss you." Like everything facebook does, it's brilliant and creepy.

FML

I've mentioned this fellowship job in New Orleans to many of you, many have said "that's perfect for you!" And, well, I learned earlier tonight via the facebook status update of the girl who apparently got it... that I didn't. I know her, we worked together last summer. Oh, technology! Naturally, my first reaction was to deactivate my facebook account. I'm a such a good woman scorned.
To be honest, I feel completely fucking worthless. I've been feeling worse and worse as the summer has gone on, with the sinking feeling punctuated by the fun of leisure and the occasional mini-break (like my first public defender client, who I met today, and the excitement of calling someone and saying, "Hi, I'm your lawyer" should be the subject of this blog post). It felt so good to get that appointment and the little encouragement of being paid to do what I want to do, albeit on a limited scale.
Side Note: Earlier this evening, we went to "Away We Go" and debated ahead of time whether watching a movie about 20/30 somethings trying to find their place in the world was the best or worst idea we could have. Turns out the movie is fabulous, very in line with Dave Eggers writing, it's thoroughly hilarious and enjoyable. It's one of my top movies now, I can't recommend it highly enough.
But back to bemoaning my situation. I feel truly terrible. Like the world lied to me, it told me I had to do A, B and C to get what I wanted, I did those and whoops! the rules have changed. I feel, honestly, like I finally applied myself and worked at full steam toward something (which of course I didn't do for personal payoff... but...) and it doesn't matter at all. All of the reasons I didn't work at full capacity all along, basically a fear of failure, have come true. This sounds dramatic, but I feel a little dramatic. And a little scorned. Like I did my best and have been told over and over it's not good enough. I have not gotten a lot of jobs, more than I can count.
I think one thing I've realized is that while having no obligations and a summer completely free sounds ideal; for those of us with aspirations beyond being the messy common-law housewife I am currently, it feels pretty shitty. And it's time to call a spade a spade and realize I'm unhappy and even depressed. This isn't a forever condition and I do think I'll look back at pictures of my sweet tan and think of all the free time... and think of it with humor and wistfulness. But then maybe I will read this blog post and remember how shitty it really feels to be applying for jobs I'm not even qualified for, because I'm overqualified, outside of my field ("law") and not even getting interviews in a place you've never been before. Is it shittier than not getting interviewed/hired in the place you've lived for 3 years or the place you've made a surrogate home for 3 years? Hard to say... probably the wallowing will be over tomorrow, but no promises.