Madness!

I kind of tend to get March Madness. Weird, right? A couple of related things:

1. We sing this all the time at home these days:



2. We're going to watch Wisconsin play in Tucson tomorrow.

3. As of right this very minute I'm #1 in my bracket pool thing, out of like 40 people.

Go Badgers!

Life is Weird

It is. I almost want to make an "it gets better" video for early and mid-twenty-somethings. Because I feel like it does and no one tells you and I'm there and it's so much better than it was. But I was just looking at pictures of someone's trip to New York on facebook. And whenever I do that, I get a little sad.
I get sad because I love New York. I do. And I think of the 2003-2006 period when I lived there and the friends and times and experiences that happened there and then. Now I love going there and being there and have a connection to it, maybe a little like I feel with New Orleans also, where it feels like the place/life I could have lived and therefore it will always be a little bit "home." But then there's the weird thing about adulthood... I feel like I've realized that while I love and respect New York... it's not the right place for me. I proved I could make it there, but then chose not to. And that's a "right for me" decision... the things I need from the life I want don't have to happen there. But they could. And that's the crazy thing. I don't think it's particularly interesting or admirable, but I've moved around a lot in the past ten years. East Coast to midwest to southwest. And here's the thing... there's a lot of places I could be and could be happy. Changing homes so often means both I carry my home with me, but also that lots of places are a little bit "home."
I remember talking to high school seniors applying to Wesleyan--both in Madison and here in Flagstaff, and I'd remind them that something like 96% of people love college (of course this was meant as encouragement if they didn't get into their top choices.) Yes, that's not everyone, but of those 96% people... do they love it because somehow they selected the right college for them? No. College is awesome. They loved it because it's awesome. Of course, if everyone went to Wesleyan, it would be 100%, but that would destroys the specialwes. Anyway. My point is the weirdness of life and how there are so many different paths and directions but how so many of them to lead good and great things. The other week, Erin remarked something like that it's so weird that I'm a public defender and I lived in Flagstaff, Arizona. And it is... but for a Minneapolis kid, is it really that much weirder than being an assistant in Manhattan? Not really. A different kind of weird.
And is life in general like college? Well, literally, no. Tragically it is too little like college. But metaphorically, can things be great if you land in variety of different places? Yeah, I think. Of course this does beg the question... if we can do awesome anywhere, why didn't we pick a place closer to people we love? It's the adventure. Or that's what we say. There this on Jezebel last week, about what a dad should teach a daughter... and I like it. Partly because most of things I did learn from my very excellent dad-of-a-daughter but one is probably missing-- landing on your feet. It's a skill. It not a skill learned like changing a tire, but that's part of it. Being self-sufficient and flexible is what I'd like my kids to be... and if it means they successfully build a life in a place none of us anticipated... I think I'd be proud. It's a good sign. Then again, it doesn't matter where it is, I'd be proud and I am proud of a successfully built life anywhere.

For the Record

Consider this. I am sure that the snowstorm in the midwest is a big deal. I'm sure it's slowing things down and ruining some xmas plans. I mean, I was virtually the last person to land at O'Hare last year before Christmas. I understand. HOWEVER, a couple of weeks ago, Flagstaff received 28 inches of snow in a day. Monday we got another 6. No big deal. You know why? Because the average snowfall in Minneapolis is 49.9 inches. In 1983–1984, Minneapolis set its own record with 98.4 inches. Flagstaff on average receives 100.3 inches of snow a year. Oh, and, "Although snow often covers the ground for weeks after major winter storms, Flagstaff's relatively low latitude and plentiful winter sunshine quickly melt much of what falls, and persistent deep snowpack is unusual. One notable exception occurred during the severe winter of 1915-1916, when successive Pacific storms buried the city under nearly seven feet (2 m) of snow, and some residents were snowbound in their homes for several days." According to Wikipedia. New York City is 28.4. Hartford is 49. Actually, you can devote some serious Christmas Eve work hours to websites like this.
My point is that the next time I relate that the power is out, work is canceled and we have two feet of snow... I hope you, dear readers, reconsider your preconceptions about Arizona and give it the respect it deserves. That situation is not, as the person who may or may not have birthed me said, "a lot for there." Nope, it's just a lot. And although the season has only just started, I am confident that my snowstorm can beat up your "snowmageddon."

Thanks-- and Merry Christmas, again.

You Might be Moving if...

You peel and lay the strings from a string cheese across a freezer-burned boca burger, microwave it and call it lunch.

I'll save you the picture I took, it's gross. Lunch was saved by Cholula and sliced tomato from the "farm."

On the move...

It's been noted by others (as well as my own self in my head) that we've been on the move quite a bit this summer. Generally not trips that cost any more than the gas, but it's still a little ironic that (f)unemployment is what it takes to be able to have the freedom to get around. Tomorrow I drive to Minneapolis in order to catch a flight to Phoenix at 7am Tuesday morning. Then I drive my rental car to Flagstaff and stay at the Ramada until Friday when I come back to Phoenix and return to Minneapolis. While in Flagstaff, I try to find us a place to live and try to replace my generalized anxieties about the unknown with particularized anxieties about the barely known. Then I spent a couple of days in the Twin Cities, hanging out with my family, etc. before heading to a cabin with Kristina and her little family (hello qt with my favorite kindness-child) as well as her mom and stepdad. Then back to Madison. Meanwhile, Charlie makes his way to Anchorage for a wedding and then to Tucson for the bar. I am getting better at spelling Tucson right on the first try. We meet back up in Madison late next week and head up to the Upper Peninsula with the d-o-g to camp for a couple of nights here. No, it's not the "bar trip" of some of our peers-- a month in Italy? A tour of southeast Asia? But we're not that fancy. And we're broke. But he's been working hard and deserves a mini-break someplace pretty with his girl and his dog.
It'll be nice to have him back, mentally, and start being able to really work together on this big move. Plus it's been pretty boring being a bar-widow.

Highlights of this weekend include figuring out how and using food stamps at the farmer's market and grilling ostrich burgers (& filets) with friends on the deck. Last week also enjoyed an epic 25 mile bike ride around Lake Mendota, watching Bruno at 2-4-1 student night and noticing the hot peppers in the deck farm are growing after all! Yes, it's a quiet and domestic life here... wait, did I mention burning 5 audio books to my computer for the move-drive? Um, right, still quiet and domestic.

Joke

Man on the Street: Do you know any jokes?

Me: No, I don't think so. Do you?

MOTS: I know lots of them, millions, that's how I get money, food and cigarettes.

Me: I don't have any of those things. But what's the joke?

MOTS: A girl with big breasts works at Hooters. Where does a girl with one leg work?

Me: . . .

MOTS: IHOP!

Thanks

Today I floated down a strange river somewhere in Wisconsin with my fellow unemployeds/unstudying for the bar-ers. Iliana, Sophy and I drank Miller Chill and laughed and got muddy and sunburned. Then we ate burgers at Culvers, went home for a rest and reconvened for Pho... pretty awesome day. And tomorrow I have the settlement conference for my client. My client. You know, the person I am getting paid to advise and advocate for as an attorney? Then I head to Michigan for some beach, dad and grandma time (and coverletter writing time, naturally.)
Basically, this is all to say that I am feeling better. I am relieved because I feel like I can sink very fast, emotionally, but also that I still seem to have the coping mechanisms not to stay down there for too long. Of course, this is speaking to the audience that isn't my patient boyfriend who has to console me when I'm down, it's late... and I've had a pitcher of beer. I also have great friends and have heard some really nice things from a lot of people. Alijo reminded me that when I get a job, I'll have it all, "a career, a loving partner, an unparalleled instinct for finding a bargain, and an utterly devoted beagle." It's also nice to remember that even right now, I have three out of four. Not to mention good people who are good friends to me all over the place. And the bargain hunting? NO ONE can take that away from me.


PS. I'm back on Facebook, obvi. When you leave Facebook, they show this screent that says, "Are you sure you want to deactivate your account? Your 506 friends will no longer be able to keep in touch with you." And then shows 4 pictures of your with randomly selected friends, "Kristina will miss you," "Charlie will miss you," "Drew will miss you." Like everything facebook does, it's brilliant and creepy.

FML

I've mentioned this fellowship job in New Orleans to many of you, many have said "that's perfect for you!" And, well, I learned earlier tonight via the facebook status update of the girl who apparently got it... that I didn't. I know her, we worked together last summer. Oh, technology! Naturally, my first reaction was to deactivate my facebook account. I'm a such a good woman scorned.
To be honest, I feel completely fucking worthless. I've been feeling worse and worse as the summer has gone on, with the sinking feeling punctuated by the fun of leisure and the occasional mini-break (like my first public defender client, who I met today, and the excitement of calling someone and saying, "Hi, I'm your lawyer" should be the subject of this blog post). It felt so good to get that appointment and the little encouragement of being paid to do what I want to do, albeit on a limited scale.
Side Note: Earlier this evening, we went to "Away We Go" and debated ahead of time whether watching a movie about 20/30 somethings trying to find their place in the world was the best or worst idea we could have. Turns out the movie is fabulous, very in line with Dave Eggers writing, it's thoroughly hilarious and enjoyable. It's one of my top movies now, I can't recommend it highly enough.
But back to bemoaning my situation. I feel truly terrible. Like the world lied to me, it told me I had to do A, B and C to get what I wanted, I did those and whoops! the rules have changed. I feel, honestly, like I finally applied myself and worked at full steam toward something (which of course I didn't do for personal payoff... but...) and it doesn't matter at all. All of the reasons I didn't work at full capacity all along, basically a fear of failure, have come true. This sounds dramatic, but I feel a little dramatic. And a little scorned. Like I did my best and have been told over and over it's not good enough. I have not gotten a lot of jobs, more than I can count.
I think one thing I've realized is that while having no obligations and a summer completely free sounds ideal; for those of us with aspirations beyond being the messy common-law housewife I am currently, it feels pretty shitty. And it's time to call a spade a spade and realize I'm unhappy and even depressed. This isn't a forever condition and I do think I'll look back at pictures of my sweet tan and think of all the free time... and think of it with humor and wistfulness. But then maybe I will read this blog post and remember how shitty it really feels to be applying for jobs I'm not even qualified for, because I'm overqualified, outside of my field ("law") and not even getting interviews in a place you've never been before. Is it shittier than not getting interviewed/hired in the place you've lived for 3 years or the place you've made a surrogate home for 3 years? Hard to say... probably the wallowing will be over tomorrow, but no promises.

I'm only going to say this once...

Because generally I think the only thing more pretentious than using "J.D." is using "Esq." But, like Bill S. Preston before me, this morning I was sworn in to the Wisconsin State Bar. I'm an ESQ., you guys!!!!!!! Awesome and weirdo. So, if any of my multitude of readers get in legal trouble in Wisconsin... I'll make you a great deal.

Unrelatedly, we saw The Hangover tonight and it was super-funny. Two thumbs up! (four if you count Charlie's...)

Time Moves Quickly...

When you're an unemployed lawyer... or so I've learned. If you ever noticed that posting picked up around finals or other busy times, it'll make sense why it will kind of drop off now. I really don't know what to do with myself. This last birthday weekend was fantastic, with great friends enjoying great weather and a potentially toxic amount of boxed wine. I had birthday greetings from across the country and world and really felt very loved and honored. So, thanks. Kristina came from Minneapolis and Lindsey and Sylia from Chicago, we spent most of the time on the deck and other than that on the terrace. It was wonderful.

Since then, things have really died down. It's hard to know what to do with full days when you also can't spend money. I applied for foodstamps today... so there's that. Truthfully, I don't feel like a jerk... well, I do a little. But it's also necessary. Or, will make life possible. I am not sure one can be a licensed attorney with an iphone and a 2006 car on foodstamps and not feel like a little bit of a jerk... but here I am.

And moving away from that downer, you've previously like when I post successful recipes. So, I made these tonight at the recommendation of my mom. She's right, they are delish. I didn't have coriander and I baked them and they were delish. So, there. Charlie advocated for less cinnamon next time, FYI.

So, that's the boring news from here.

Back Home, Mostly for Good

Upon return from awesome Nashville, I'm a little too generally exhausted to post about it in the way it deserves.  It was a really wonderful weekend (after my unplanned overnight in Detroit on Thursday...) with the highest concentration of my favorite people since... well... reunion in May. Or maybe Anna's wedding, but missing Alison, in August. Thinking about it, I'm extremely lucky to have these people all over the country and to have seen them all multiple times in the past year. 

Aside from the dream company, I really liked Nashville itself. It was very cool and parts were very beautiful and southern, but also seemed really down to earth. Friday night we headed to the "honky tonks" and it just really felt like this is what people in Nashville have been doing for... ever. Not all self-aware and like Nashville knows its awesome like some places I've been (actually the some-time homes of many blog-readers- NYC, Austin, San Francisco and Madison come to mind...)

While in Nashville, I was rejected by the last job I was kind of holding out hope for- in Colorado. So I've been feeling particularly afloat over the past couple of days, it's been harder even to get back into it when there is this low-level panic about what will happen after graduation. It seems like I won't take a bar (since I'll be barred in WI no matter what...) so what the heck will I do until the Madison is over in August? Or... gasp... after that?

One bright spot is that tonight I bit the bullet and looked up my total student loan amount. This may seem like an odd thing to be pleased about, and maybe odder to blog about, but the total comes in at just under $100,000. I thought it would be more. And I am weirdly proud of myself for getting three years of law school for under $70,000.  Thanks to Karen, I was also able to calculate that if I make $40k, my income-based payments will be about $300/month. Which is less than I was paying on just my undergrad loans before law school... so in some sense, we could think of law school as free, right? At least that's the kind of logic that got me the iphone...

Spring Breaks 2 & 3

Spring Break is over. Not surprisingly, the trip continued to be very fun. I put some pictures on Facebook. You should look at them or make friends with someone who can look at them. Or it might work to click here. Anyway, we drove back yesterday and arrived in Madison about 12:45am. Made 8am Immigration all the sweeter, I'll tell you. Now the best thing about the end of this break is that it's not the typical boring end of vacation, because, guess what, we're going to Las Vegas for 4+ days on Thursday. And then I come back Monday and that Thursday, go to Nashville for 4+ days.
It's a good time. Somewhat annoying is still having problems with my foot. I've been more vigilente about the I and C in RICE lately, but I am a little concerned about being the need to R and E as well when I am supposed to be getting ready for Crazylegs.

So, anyway, any suggestions for Vegas? For sprained foots?

Athletic Supporter

This week I was blessed (via the student ticket lottery and my hard-earned U.S American dollars) to attend a Badger Basketball game (I have actually had tickets all season, this is the first one I went to.) Look how awesome my seats are. This is why it is advantageous to be a grad students, and to be teamed up with another student who has gone here for 7 years now.

Also, today I went cross country skiing for the first time in a long time (and I think the 2nd or 3rd time ever.) It was superfun, even if it did involve a lot of falling down. It was a gorgeous day, in the high 30s most of the time we were skiing- or warmer. And a couple hours there where living someplace like Wisconsin, didn't seem so bad.

Last week recap (fewer to no links)

Since the last time I wrote, we got a new president, I got a cold, school started, my internship at the Supreme Court started, Chuckles and I had a Manniversary (it's an Anniversary, for men!) and tried to develop a new plan of where we will go and what we will do when school ends in May and we are (ack!) lawyer. Ack. Oh, and Anwar and I got a stalker.

First things first, GoooooOOOObama! It was wonderful, I stayed home that morning and cried into my oatmeal. And a few hours later, cried into my turkey sandwich. So much has been said, you don't need me.

School is annoying, although I only have two classes- Immigration and Trusts & Estates. Those actually seem like things that might come up for you or your friends, so keep me in mind if you ever move to another country or die. Wi. Supreme Court is good, so far. I have a "bench memo" to write about an interesting case... so interesting it's pretty hard to think about and what to do. I can't tell you about it, though, so please stop asking.

For Manniversary, we ate steak at home and drank wine and watched Pineapple Express and didn't use phones or internet. It was very fun. Figuring out what comes next is not as much... we have some irons in the fire, still. It's just hard not to become discouraged by the very worst time to be trying to get any job, much less a government-funded one. And there really hasn't been a wave of people getting the kind of jobs I/we want, and we're just left out... it's slow going, the timetable is later, etc. It's just hard to remember and not be stressful. Waa waa.

In the most important news, yesterday at Indian Buffet lunch with Anwar, we got a stalker/"new friend." He was nervous and blond and told us he used to be in law school but dropped out and now plays online poker as his job. And (not surprising based on the previous sentence) he and his girlfriend are trying to meet more people. Those people are supposed to be us. Naturally, I gave him Anwar's real name and email address... so they may be together right now, enjoying life as new friends. Or Anwar may be fighting for his life. Either way, adventure!

A sign

If public defense doesn't work out... Madison seems to be able to provide enough slip & falls to keep a young lawyer in business for years.

Consumer Update

Every so often I like to update you, my loyal readers, on things that I've bought and how they are working out.

1. Gillette Alluring Avocado Shave Gel. If you, like me, think that this will smell like Avocado instead of super-sweet melony crap like every other women's shave gel... well, then you, like me, would be just plain wrong.

2. The iPhone. I bought it about a month ago. I love it so much, it's like my new best friend. You know, like the kind of best friend you pay a lot of money for and then are very worried about getting wet. We play games together, it reminds me to do things and can answer any question in pinch. A true pal.

3. Kemp's 100 Calorie Ice Cream Bars. I can't find a link to them. They are delicious and tiny. And have 7 grams of fat in each tiny little one. I feel a little duped. Quantity over quality, people.

4. Haircut. Got this one today, it was desperately needed. I don't think it's a Madison-is-cheap thing, I think this place is stuck in the 90s or something. It's an Aveda salon, they rub my head with oils and do a good job cutting my hair... for $35. I kind of realized lately I've been letting myself go... ratty hair, ill-fitting jeans, oftentimes some kind of stain on my shirt. Time to get it together, sister.

5. Ticket to Nashville in April for "the house" plus Erin. Will be awesome. Want to stay at the Gaylord Opryland. Also want to wear cowgirl boots and will need tight jeans by the trip.

6. Airfare change from American so I won't spend xmas eve eve in Miami on the way back from the DR... it was $147 to fix my stupidity in scheduling. I have been stupid in much more expensive ways.

OK, so what was the best part?

Was it literally dancing in the streets?

Was it drinking champagne and crying?

Was it running into a french-canadian acquaintance who embraced me and said, "thank you?"

Ok, how about the smile and tingle each time the radio says "President-elect Obama?"

Or maybe hugging and hi-fiving strangers?

Or maybe talking to loved ones far away, every so completely joyous?

This has been an awesome 18 hours or so. I've had an election-hangover all day. Kind of fuzzy and unsure what happens next. And feeling like spending money and being decadent and thinking about the future....

And I loved Obama's acceptance speech and the emphasis on this not being the end of things, instead the beginning. Which is true. But right now we still need a couple more days of ICANTEVENBELIEVEITOHMYGOD!!!!!!!!

And, let's be honest, probably a lot more crying.

Also, turns out I'm still really white.

Musical Reviews

I've gone to concerts for free the past two Friday evenings. You wouldn't know it. In fact, if you only read this, you'd know very little about now.

Friday before last, Charlie won tickets to Langhorne Slim. I've found it very easy to win tickets to minor concerts in Madison. Basically, if we both enter three main sites (Madison.com, the Onion and Muzzle of Bees), we seem to have a better than 50% chance of winning. Overall odds are helped by incidents like where I won tickets to the Avett Bros. from both Madison.com and the Onion. Anyway, the show was really high energy and fun. I didn't really realize his following is approximately 8-10 years younger than me... but it was cool. We just sat in the balcony with the old people. I don't know his music that well, but the other fans did and it always makes me happy to see a bunch of people get SO STOKED when a song comes on.

Last Friday I registered people to vote at the Neko Case show, one of the first acts of Madison's ingaural Forward Music Fest. Yeah. That's right, I exercised my giant muscle of democracy while being entertained by a slightly-less-hot-than-I-remember-but-still-pretty-hot Neko. I am a really good person.

My good personality continued through Saturday morning when I participated in a 5k raising money for public interest law students. It was a lovely day in Madison. Riding to the race along the lakeshore path, I mused that if UW were located in a more temperate climate... it would be the hardest school to get into in the country. Because, let me tell you, on a nice day, it's unbelievably lovely. Post race we did what Wisconsinites do when it's nice outside... start drinking. And kept drinking. All day. Until 10:30 or so at night when I caught 20 minutes or so of SNL and decided that "the free market... not looking so free lately..." was the cleverest joke I'd ever heard. And then I fell asleep.

Now, see, this is why I don't blog more often. I try to talk about music and it turns into some minute by minute rundown of my day to day. Lame.

Show and Blow Sounds Funny

I am back in Madison after more than 3 months and 3600 miles:

View Larger Map

And so there will be more on the end of New Orleans, the road trip, the wedding, the new apartment. But for now, enjoy this:

Dear Student Badger Fan,

Congratulations on receiving your season tickets for football. The Dean of Students Office wants you to have a great experience supporting our team this season. We also would like to make you aware of a program and also ask for your assistance in making game days great.

Our office operates a program called “Show and Blow” that affects students who are ejected from Camp Randall for alcohol related reasons. This program requires students ejected from a game to come to all subsequent games completely sober if they are underage, or legally sober if they are of-age. We implemented this program last year in an effort to address serious alcohol related behavioral issues at football games. There are important changes this season related to student season ticket holders who are required to participate in this program.

Vouchers for any student season ticket holder ejected for alcohol related reasons will be electronically tagged. This means that if a student season ticket holder is in the Show and Blow program and their voucher is used at any of the remaining games, the user of that voucher will be directed to the Show and Blow area to complete a preliminary breath test (PBT) to verify compliance with the program.

Recent Highlights

Celebrating Cinco de mayo with Margs and Guac, courtesy of my current-professor-future-supervisor lady. Continuing to celebrate Cinco de Mayo with beer and then more beer at a place that offered $1 Wisconsin beer special. Studying Evidence some more, getting really, really bored. Eating 3.5 feet of Subway veggie patty sandwiches in the past week. Riding my awesome new bike around Lake Monona and continuing to love it. Also getting a little sun in the process. Also sweating out some of the aforementioned beers and veggie patties. I think that's about it. Exam on Friday, then just some bitty papers.

Oh, and today I also won tickets to the show I was going to on Friday anyway and a cash award for criminal law. This continues to be ridiculous. But also feels nice.