Deja Vu

Not the downtown Minneapolis strip club. And not the new blockbuster. But the feeling.

I've been thinking about college a lot. And been bummed a lot. Which has emphasized another difference between Wesleyan and Wisconsin. While the law school is stiflingly small and everyone seems to know everyone else's business... on a rainy today like today, you can walk around campus totally anonymous. Maybe even more so than in New York, where there is always a risk you'll run into a WesAlum... I only know law students and you don't really see them outside of the law building or certain specific other places. By venturing toward the center of campus, I can virtually guarantee I won't see anyone I know. Which is at some level a nice feeling, although it doesn't sound like. Surrounded by this social hothouse, its nice to be unknown. On the other hand, the other feeling of deja-vu that has returned is that feeling of regrettably given up a whole life of people who prioritized me to some degree or another to one where my feelings and well-being don't seem to make anyone's list. No, this is extreme and harsh, but this whole thing is a very isolating experience in its own and based on my own poor choices, I keep getting dragged into bullshit that I end up spending a lot of time and energy getting out of.
Maybe I was just exceptionally lucky in my former life/lives, to have met and held onto such extraordinary people. When I was little, my friends used to hurt me so profoundly and crying to my mom, she'd tell me that I just had very high and mature expectations for my friends and I had to wait until my peers grew into them. In another retro-move, I seem to once again be waiting for my peers to mature into the kind of people I need around me. In the mean time... torts? outlines? two buck chuck? All of the above?