Enough to Make You Go Crazy...

The world is such a weird place. Weird due to its simultaneous beauty and fucked-upness. Maybe the same thing that draw some boys to some girls and vice versa (only heteronormative here, please.) I was hesitating to write about this, because I was afraid I couldn't do it without sounding depressed and like a borderline case of borderline something. But nevertheless. Sitting in a rock club last night, listening to generally good music, I got that wave of the web of shitty things that it seems like as a conscious being you have to acknowledge but try to stay above so you don't drown in it. This is how it goes... The concert was a benefit for Darfur. Darfur, oh my god. Children's drawings of war. Rape as a weapon of war. The author of the Rape of Nanking killed herself. She had a small child, she couldn't handle it. That child doesn't have a mom, she killed herself. The world, the horrible things people do. Darfur isn't genocide. The Holocaust was genocide. Oh, fuck, the holocaust. The Pianist, I never finished. I never finish so many things I am trying to do. My room is a mess, why don't I have any money? I am a spoiled first world jerk, I want money for electronics and booze. People are starving, so many people. I have it better than all of them. I am a terrible person, I am the best person, the luckiest person. I can't even imagine war. Should I be able to? Oh god things are so fucked up and unfair and this country is a disaster and I periodically forget, then get angry, then forget again. And I am supposed to be intelligent and interested. And we have to cling to people, icons like Barack Obama but after all he is one man and he is a black senator but only the third since reconstruction. Oh my god, its so messed up.
I hope this doesn't really mean I'm going crazy...