I Gotta Wear Shades (Future's So Bright)

Hey Sarah, how the hell are you? Busy. But good. Really good. At some time last winter, even before a good portion of the badness of AY2009-2010 happened, I was listening to This Year by the Mountain Goats. And thinking about how it was on a mix my friend Rachel made me for New Years 2006 and how many times since then it's been a kind of internal mantra. I have clearest memories of walking to the law school on exam days, listening to that song on repeat. At the time I incidentally walked north on Mills St. where I lived, which kind of fit with the song.



Anyway, last winter I was listening to it and thinking "Jesus Christ, when will 'this year' finally be over??" Well, of course, 'this year' never ends, there is a cycle of challenges, apparently until we die... But, in terms of the other side of the hardest year? Yeah, I'm there.

Work is good. Great. It feels wonderful to say it every time. It's also extremely challenging-- intellectually, emotionally but also exactly what I signed up for. I have a supportive boss, great and experienced co-workers, autonomy... Can I gush more? I am learning so much, so quickly. It's exhausting and exhilarating. It's made me realize that I've had a lot of bad jobs... (and some good ones).

It's been gratifying, too, because, it turns out not only is this what I want to be doing... but I'm not bad at it. I mean, considering I'm in week 7. Two highlights of Friday included a judge saying I must have practiced somewhere before here because I have a "great presence" in court and then, of course, the client who told me she liked me because of the register of my voice, because I was wearing a turquoise shirt and because I was white. Did I mention comic relief? That's a big part of the job, too.

I think I didn't realize how much my professional dissatisfaction was impacting my general world-view. Like, I have a job now that's frustrating in a lot of ways and emotionally draining in many as well, but I also feel like people think I'm smart and capable and I do feel like a total badass in it at least once a day. So that's awesome, right?

Also, despite what my mother says, I can paint my nails virtually any color I want and wear it to court (rainbow sparkles is probably more than I'd try, I'm talking like orange and red and dark purple). And then get people out of jail. Because I am a total badass and that's what I do.