Y211

Over Christmas we watched "It's a Wonderful Life." I didn't realize Charlie had never seen it. It's one of my favorite movies. I always forget and remember how much story comes before the seeing-life-if-George-Bailey-had-never-been-born part. My very favorite part, though, is of course the end when all of the "riff raff" pour into the Baileys' house and give what little bits they can to help George come up with the missing $8,000.

My dad said it and I agree for my own different reasons, 2010 was his "It's a Wonderful Life." It was mine, too. On one hand, I learned a valuable lesson and appreciate so much more than I think I did before. I saw I have a lot of friends and I have very good ones.
And, I mean, dudes, I was on BBC! I was in the NY Times, like, MANY times. And Foreign Policy! And I passed two bar exams while working full-time, can we revisit that accomplishment?? I also celebrated the beginnings of five new marriages of people I love. (and watched/helped another I love end hers... sad but probably also in the "good" column since "good" is being happy and healthy and whole.)
But a good portion of the year was terrible and I was so incredibly scared and unhappy and still feel so frayed and damaged about it I start crying. Less so now but by the fall I felt so tired, deep, deep down.

But. Holy shit. How bizarre. It's almost like a "be careful what you wish for" thing. Oh, you think being on BBC would be rad? Ok, well, we're going to put you through so much that six months later when the Associated Press calls you about something completely unrelated, you will have negative desire to call them back. (Yep. That happened. Last week.) My co-worker said, "it's kind of fun to see your name in the paper." Nope, not really anymore.
But enough bemoaning and verification I need to process all of this with a professional, eh?
My "Wonderful Life" illustrated all of the good for me, too. (these are not in order)
I love my job. See: previous post.
I love my man/boyfriend/joint tenant with right of survivorship/whatever- I don't need to gush over him on the internet, but he is a great person who makes me laugh, supports me in the ways I need and keeps me honest.
I have awesome dogs. See: FACT.
I have a warm house which always needs more TLC but is totally mine. Well, half mine. But, you know. Even when this happens (welcome home!):

I have so many friends. When in crisis or joy, I feel they're family I created for myself. Which brings me back to "Wonderful Life." George learns his friends, the riff raff, are there when he needs them. I learned my own riff raff, a coalition of people I've collected over the years, care about me. This is maybe stupid and oversharing, but for a kid who read Little Women on the playground when she was friendless in 1st grade and whose mother freshman year told her her college friends didn't really know her because if they did, they wouldn't like her (crazy shit, right?)... it's incredibly significant. It's significant and gratifying that I've picked amazingly high quality people to befriend and they've picked me back. I am both lucky and reenforced that I must be pretty darn ok if these awesome people all showed up at the house with whatever donation they could make. And then we sang Auld Lang Syne. No, wait, that was the movie.
Anyway. I can't trade experience. Do I wish lots of 2010 never happened? Yes. Do I see the value in the struggle? Yes, that too. Did a learn lots about myself and other people? Um... yeah, ok, fine. Am I pleased as fuck 2010 is over? Yes, ma'am.

On these first days of the new beginning, here's hoping for us all 2011 is a year of health and happiness and lessons learned as least painfully as possible.