I'm Endorsing Obama and Crying All the Time

Ok, I mean, duh, right? I have endorsed Obama for President since 2004. There is a moment stuck in my mind and it comes up whenever I think of Barack Obama. Election night, 2004 in the old apartment in Brooklyn. Erica and Daniel are watching coverage on TV and I just can't handle it anymore, so I am in bed, listening to NPR. They report from the living room that Kerry has conceded Florida... and I start crying. NPR announces Obama has won in Illinois, making him the third black senator since reconstruction. And that was when I started wailing. Not only were were looking down the road of another 4 years of George Bush... but howfuckedupisthewholefuckingcountryanywayohmygod.

I've been getting really emotional about the election recently. I voted yesterday and started crying while connecting the arrow next to the Obama/Biden ticket.



Perhaps it was that I had waiting in line for 2 hours... but I think maybe the Hope has gotten to me. And not really hope for the country or hope that things could be better, but hope that it's my place after all. By far the hardest thing in 2004 was feeling like I could see so clearly how badly things were going, what a schmuck G.W. is, and then the country voted (and even if not all the votes were counted) many, many (most) of them voted for Bush. I felt so alienated from my country and just kind of afloat. Now, the idea that most people could vote for Obama... well, obviously it makes me cry. But for partially very selfish reasons-- it means my home is a place I want to be.

I cried about the election a second time yesterday. After voting, I was driving to get some Halloween supplies and passed a man standing on the side of the road, wearing Obama gear with a giant handmade sign that read, "VOTE!" I honked and gave him the thumbs up and we shared a milisecond of smiles.

And then I started crying again...

This time, I think, because it has also been so touching and inspiring how people have gotten into this election and taken ownership of the process and the candidate. Every election I've been able to vote in has been a disappointment... but all these people, they have that Hope, too. And they're making their own signs and spending Friday afternoon standing on a street corner.

There is a lot I can identify with in this article. Until about a week ago, I couldn't let myself go- we've been so devastated before. I can't let my hopes rise to have another 2004.. but maybe that's been this "hope" thing the whole time. And I don't want to live in fear or be a victim of the political process in my own country. Apparently, neither do others-- and so this is what has been so exciting about this election.

And, also... YAY! There will be crying on Tuesday night no matter what (Charlie, be warned). Here's to the happy kind!