Invisalign

In December of 2003, Erin and I attended a holiday party in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. We didn't know anyone there and the friend who brought us, left us soon after arriving. Stories of this party have been told, reaching legend status, but I'll try to summon the highlights, not necessarily in chronological order:

• Feeling terribly uncomfortable, one of us tells the other, we must either leave right now or get really drunk. There is some debate as to who said this to the other. We agree, however, that we chose the latter.
• We find a gift bottle of maker's mark, a gift for the hosts. We open it and drink it. All.
  
• A woman who ends up being Erica's supervisor at her old old job points to a plate of what I believe are cookies, and asks me to look at one and see if it has carbs in it. I ask what a carb looks like.
• The woman tells us about her fantastic "invisalign" adult braces. She has horrible skin and was ugly and got the braces to help her appearace. She claims the braces got her a boyfriend. She offers a graphic description of how her boyfriend is grateful for the orthodontia and how it improves her, um, oral sex skils. We are horrified and can't stop laughing.
• It turns out the mystery food was meatballs, not cookies. Carb content remains unclear.
  
• In the holiday raffle, Erin wins a book of poetry inspired by the race riots in Crown Heights.
• I win a picture frame.
• We try to make out with the hosts when we are the last two guests. They send us home in a cab.
• Erin accuses me of trying to secretly communicate with the cabbie in Spanish.

You can only imagine how pleased I was to arrive at the orthodontist's office this afternoon and discover they'd put my $125 toward my very own invisalign.