The tunnel. The light. The end.

Today was a nice day, even though 6-7 hours of it was spent doing work. I went to a parade full of kids (and adults) in costumes. The kind of parade where virtually every one there is in the parade, it's relaxed and casual and full of silly costumes and political slogans and stilts and reminds me of my own growing up. I went with my former coworker who is here and a refreshing change from the all-law-school-all-the-time of my day to day.
I went to the library, saw people I like and felt ok about myself and my place and taking a break to walk to get an iced coffee with soy milk on a sunny day on State St.
I went out to a sushi dinner and then grocery shopping with a friend, both situations which are much more my speed and much better for my mental space.
I remember starting college and realizing at a certain point that I hadn't gotten a hug in a long time. And I'm not a super-touchy-feely kind of person. So I guess I hadn't thought that hugs were something important to me, but they are. I think this is just an awkward process, starting over and takes time. And maybe it's ok to acknowledge the suckiness of the interim. I need to create more structure for myself, a schedule and become involved in things that remind me why this is all a good idea and how I will come out of this ready to do what I want. And maybe figure out what that is in the meanwhile.
I also know about myself that I have a tendency to put up distance if I feel wronged by someone-- fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me-kind of mentality. And this isn't always the best way. What may speed this all up is a little more pride-swallowing and to make my own things happen. And not to just retreat into myself/my apartment because I can and because it's easier is doesn't end with my feeling disappointed in other people.
A small step in this is maybe studying in the library more. While I am not any more productive there (maybe less), there is a social component that I apparently crave.
Meanwhile, I can also be proactive about other things: health (cholesterol, this cough, the strange little blisters appearing all over my feet and hands...), sleep patterns, plans with new friends.
And now, I swear the next post will not be about my whiny existential crisis.